


Trees

by SherlockWolf



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: M/M, Post-Star Trek: Into Darkness, Slow Burn, Space Cats, Space Whales, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, spirk, vulcan kids
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-17
Updated: 2017-02-08
Packaged: 2018-08-23 01:08:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 26,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8307955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SherlockWolf/pseuds/SherlockWolf
Summary: James T. Kirk has seen and will see many strange things during the five-year expedition of the Enterprise. One of those things is an invisible space whale that holds a secret in its belly.





	1. Chapter 1

    “Captain, there is an unknown reading on my computer.” Spock’s voice, calling over from his chair at the science positon on the bridge, shook Kirk from his daydreaming. They’d been traveling in empty space for a while, and had at least a day left before they arrived at their next destination.

“Do tell, Mr. Spock.” Kirk swiveled his chair around so that he could look over at Spock.

“It appears that there is a large biological organism ahead of us, however there is nothing on the main screen and it is illogical that a creature could survive the environment of space.”

Kirk hopped out of his chair to go and lean over Spock. He read the computer monitor, and sure enough, Spock was right. Something six times the size of the _Enterprise_ was dead ahead, and it was apparently alive.

“Slow to warp one, Mr. Sulu!” Kirk called out. He dashed over to his chair and hit the ‘yellow alert’ button. The lights around the bridge began to flash a soft yellow, and an automated voice spoke over the ship’s intercom:

“ _Enterprise_ on yellow alert. Crew stand-by.”

“Sir, I’m overhearing a strange frequency.” Uhura piped up from the communications station. Kirk spun his chair so he could look over at her.

Whoever it was that allowed James T. Kirk to command a U.S.S. Starship with a swivel chair clearly knew nothing about Kirk’s personality.

    Uhura glanced up to make sure Kirk had heard her before describing the sound. “Its decibels are very low, Captain, well out of human hearing. If I match it to known sound databases, it appears…” She trailed off as the computer ran logistics, then reported,

“To be similar to that of elephants and whales, sir.”

Kirk turned back around and squinted at the screen. As far as he could tell, there was nothing ahead of them, not even the distortion of the stars that occurred when a ship was cloaked.

“How far out is it, Mr. Spock?” He asked, not taking his eyes off of the screen.

“About one-hundred light years, Captain.”

“Brakes, Mr. Sulu.” Kirk commanded, then pressed the intercom button on his conn.

“This is your Captain speaking. Brace yourselves for a hard stop.”

The ship slowed as gradually as a mass of metal hurtling through space could in one hundred seconds, which is to say, it heavily resembled the feeling of a rollercoaster going from full speed to an abrupt halt.

    The bridge crew clung to their respective chairs, and Kirk hoped no one had been injured on the lower decks. As soon as the _Enterprise_ was still, he hit the intercom button.

“If anyone was injured, please report or assist reporting to sick bay.”

Hopefully Bones wouldn’t have more than one person to help.

    “Mr. Spock, how’d we do?” Kirk directed his attention to the science officer, who looked over at him with the tiniest trace of a smile visible on his lips.

“Eighty feet, Captain.”

Kirk whistled under his breath. He turned his attention to the view screen, but…the screen was empty. There was nothing in front of them.

_What?_

 He swung over and leapt out of his chair toward Spock. He grabbed the back of Spock’s chair and hovered over him, reading the computer monitor.

“Eighty feet, Captain.” Spock repeated sarcastically, and Kirk rolled his eyes. It’s not that he doubted the science officer, he just needed to see the stats for himself. And of course, Spock was right.

Spock leaned back in the chair and faced the Captain. “I cannot fathom how the creature is able to render itself invisible to us, however.”

“Lieutenant Uhura, what’s the sound reading?” Kirk asked, turning to her. His hand remained clasped on Spock’s chair.

“The same, sir, just amplified.”

Kirk turned to the screen. Still, nothing. In fact…

There was _nothing_ in front of them. Even the stars were gone.

“Spock, about that eighty feet…” Kirk said as he walked away from the science officer.

“Captain, I seem to have miscalculated. We are at negative eighty feet.”

“Speculate.” Kirk dismissed Spock’s error since he’d overlooked it as well, and squinted at the black screen. He had an inkling, but the mere idea…

“We are inside the creature, Captain. External environmental readings show an increase in temperature and moisture.” Spock reported, then he stood up and joined the Captain at the front of the bridge.

“Inside?” Kirk whispered, mostly to himself. Of course, Spock muttered an affirmative, ignoring the Captain’s rhetoric.

    “Keptin, vhat are we going to do?” Ensign Chekov asked from his position at the navigation bench.

What could they do? They were inside of some giant, invisible space creature that had swallowed them without their noticing. They somehow remained contained within it rather than shooting through the other end, assuming it had another end. If they reversed, there was a chance that the entrance of the creature was closed. If they went forward, they could burst through the organism, which would likely kill it and remove any chance of studying it.

“Mr. Spock, see if you can gain any more information about the internal environment of this creature.” Kirk spoke quietly to his first officer, who went back to his station, before addressing the ensign.

“Mr. Chekov, Mr. Sulu, hold her still. We won’t move until we know more.”

“Captain, I believe I have some data.” Spock piped up from his station, “According to our echolocation sensors, it appears this creature most resembles an Earth Cetacean.”

“Remind me what that is, Mr. Spock?”

“A whale, sir.”

“On screen.” Kirk demanded, and sure enough, the image produced by the radar resembled that of a whale. It was long, with two comparatively small pectoral fins and a tiny dorsal fin.

“It most resembles a _Balaenoptera borealis_ , or Sei Whale. It was a baleen whale that inhabited deep sea waters on Earth until the mid-twenty-second century.”

“Are there any other life form readings aside from it?” Kirk wondered. The scanners beeped around them, and then Spock reported,

“Yes, Captain, but they are coming from inside the whale.”

“ _Inside?_ Mr. Spock, is there any atmospheric data?” An idea occurred to him: if the life forms could communicate, they could learn a way out of this whale-like creature.

More beeping ensued before Spock replied, “Yes, there appears to be an atmosphere like…system, remarkably similar to Earth’s but with slightly more oxygen.”

“So…sustainable for human life?” Kirk turned slowly to face Spock, a teasing smile on his lips. Spock raised an eyebrow, and even from across the bridge Kirk could tell he did not approve.

“Yes, Captain.” He replied, and Kirk swore he heard exasperation in his tone. That only made him smile more.

“Mr. Sulu, Mr. Spock, to the transporter room. Lieutenant Uhura, have Dr. McCoy and Mr. Scott meet us there.” Kirk raised his eyebrows back at Spock as though testing him. To anyone else, Spock must have appeared as stoic as ever, but to Jim, he may as well have rolled his eyes and heaved a sigh as he stood and followed him to the lift.

The door swished closed behind the three men, who stood in excited—well, for Kirk and Sulu—silence. It swished open again on the transporter level and Kirk led the way, nearly bouncing as he walked. This was an entirely new experience, never before had by a Starfleet Captain, and he was going to be the first. He loved situations like this.

    Bones was waiting in the transporter room with Scotty, both of them standing behind the consol.

“Doctor, if you may.” Kirk waved a hand toward the transporters. Bones rolled his eyes to the ceiling before walking over and standing on one of the pads. He’d had the sense to bring his travel kit with him, and Kirk felt pride in the fact that Bones knew him well enough to assume he was going to the surface…if ‘surface’ was even the appropriate word.

    He, Spock, and Sulu took places around the doctor. Before Kirk could give the command to energize, however, Bones interrupted him.

“Mind filling me in?” He grumbled.

“Ah, yes. Well, apparently we’ve been swallowed by a space whale that has an internal environment with a particular…ambiance similar to Earth. There are life forms, and we’re going to try and meet them.”

Bones stared at him incredulously for a very long second, before straightening his posture and sighing,

“Someone’s been drinking on the job.”

Kirk smirked, nodding to Scotty to beam them down.

    They materialized on something that squished slightly under their boots, and was neither distinctly solid nor liquid. However, Kirk had no idea what he was standing on because he _couldn’t see_ _anything_.

“Captain?” Sulu’s uncertain voice piped up first, coming from behind the captain, where’d he’d stood on the transporter.

“Nobody move.” Kirk responded in a hushed tone.

“Is something the matter, Captain?” Spock spoke up from his right.

“What do you mean ‘is something the matter’?” McCoy’s voice chastised, “It’s pitch black out here!”

“Ah. You cannot see. A slight oversight, Captain. My apologies.”

“Can you see, Spock?” Kirk asked, wondering how that was even possible.

“Somewhat. Vulcan’s have similar attributes to Earth felines, and the ability to see in the dark is one of them.”

“So the hobgoblin is actually a cat?” McCoy grumbled, mostly to himself, but of course Spock overheard.

“Not precisely, Doctor.”

“Alright, alright. Did anyone bring a flashlight?”

    No one had, and Kirk mentally slapped himself for being unprepared. Why had he assumed there would be light? They were _inside_ an organism in _space._ He glanced upward and saw that the _Enterprise_ was above them, her navigating lights like those of an airjet in the night sky on Earth. How big was this whale that his ship could be so far above them?

“Mr. Sulu, if you wouldn’t mind beaming back up and retrieving us some flashlights?” Kirk requested.

“Yes sir.” There was a beep from a communicator, “Mr. Scott, one to beam up.”

    A flash of light appeared behind Jim, who whirled to watch Sulu disappear. In the brief moment of light, he caught sight of McCoy and grabbed the man’s hand, instinctively pulling him closer.

“Is this really necessary?” Bones protested.

“Can’t lose my favourite doctor.” Kirk justified, then turned to where he had heard Spock speaking earlier.

“Spock, would you mind attaching yourself somehow so that we don’t get separated?”

“I see no need, since I am not hin—.”

“For my sake?” Jim pleaded, and was pleased to feel Spock wrap a hand around his bicep.

    They stood for a moment, waiting for Sulu, before Spock quite suddenly yanked Jim to the ground. Jim brought McCoy with him, and all three crouched down low.

“What is it?” Bones hissed, knowing as well as Jim that Spock had sensed something.

“I hear the life forms. They are…making sounds similar to those of domestic Earth felines.” Spock whispered.

“A wonderful coincidence.” Bones’ voice sassed in Jim’s ear. He gave his friend a smile before remembering that the doctor wouldn’t see it. Instead he turned toward Spock and whispered,

“How far?”

    A moment of silence passed as Spock concentrated, then replied, “I can no longer hear them.”

“That’s reassuring.”

“Bones, please.” Kirk hissed. Spock needed to be able to pick up any minute sounds; now was not the time for sarcasm.

    A low growl emitted from behind them, and the trio froze. Kirk felt hot air puff at his neck, then something bumped his back hard enough that he fell to his knees for balance. Bones and Spock held on to him, and their combined efforts were what prevented him from face-planting into the ground. The creature continued to nose at his spine for a moment before it moved away. Kirk felt Bones tense next to him, and assumed the same thing was now happening to him. Then it was Spock’s turn. Kirk was surprised that the Vulcan “visibly” tensed: he could feel Spock’s grip tighten on his arm.

    Nothing happened for a moment, and then the creature growled again, in such a way that if Jim hadn’t been a Starfleet Captain in Outer Space, he’d have assumed he’d gone mad. It sounded as if the creature were talking. Not Standard, but in its own language of growls.

    A bit to the left of Spock came a reply, and then Kirk knew he was right. The creature behind them said something again, and then there was nudging at his joined hand with Bones and at Spock’s on his arm with something that was definitely furry and definitely a limb. Kirk released his friends at the insistence of the alien species. Then, the limb pulled on his shoulder, indicating that he should turn around. He did so ever so slowly, and found himself face-to-face with a pair of glowing green eyes. The creature growled again, and Jim felt Spock turn, and finally Bones.

    Three more pairs of eyes made their way closer through the dark, one a set of yellow, one blue, and another green. The quartet conversed in a series of growls, and then the one facing Kirk poked him in the chest with its limb (Kirk still had no idea what it was) and grunted, as if expecting him to respond.

    So he did. “Hello.”

The eyes widened, likely in surprise that he had indeed responded. The creature poked him again, and Kirk said,

“I am Captain James T. Kirk.”

    The creatures erupted into significantly less harsh sounds, and Kirk found himself agreeing with Spock: they simulated those made of purring cats, with mews mixed in. The lightness of their tones made them sound as though their initial hostility had become curiosity, and when he was poked again, Kirk decided to explain their presence.

“We come from the Federation of Planets, on a five-year mission to explore the galaxy. We have found our ship trapped inside of this creature you inhabit, and would like to find a way to escape.”

    The cats, as Jim decided he would refer to them until further contradictory evidence arose, conversed among themselves for a moment. There was a brief silence, and then Spock spoke next to him. Jim assumed one of the cats had requested a response from him.

“I am Commander Spock. And they can neither understand nor see you, their eyes do not function in this small amount of light and they do not recognize your language.”

    So Spock could understand them. That was weird, considering that the universal translators hadn’t picked up even a single word. It was likely because the cats were an undiscovered species. But if that were true, how could Spock understand what they were saying? Jim decided to ask him later.  

    There was another moment of silence, and then Bones, seemingly having been signaled, spoke.

“I’m Doctor Leonard McCoy.”

    The cat in front of Jim said something, then Spock grabbed Jim’s arm again. Instinctively he grabbed McCoy.

“The Arborans wish us to follow them, Captain.” Spock explained.

“Lead the way.” Jim replied, sounding a bit more cheery than he felt. Sulu had yet to return, and Kirk felt bad for leaving him behind. Also, he wasn’t sure how comfortable he was following giant cats—Arborans—blindly through the dark. The only reassuring thing was that Spock could see where they were going.

    They walked in silence for a while. Jim could hear the sound of many feet besides his and his companions squelching in the “ground” around them. There was no way that he could estimate how many Arborans were escorting them to wherever they were headed, other than knowing that there was a minimum of the four that had originally greeted them. The Arborans chattered constantly, likely relaying the identity of the strangers to the ones who joined along the way.

    Eventually, Spock pulled Jim to a halt, and Jim pulled Bones. Bones was being uncharacteristically quiet, and it was unnerving Kirk. All he could see was what seemed like one-hundred pairs of glowing, variously coloured eyes watching them. He felt like they were in Wonderland.

“Mr. Spock, what’s happening?”

“We have reached what appears to be their meeting place, Captain. Similar to a conference, the elders of the population are gathered ahead of us with the ones who brought us here. They are discussing.”

“Well, what’re they talking about?” Bones finally piped up. He sounded as agitated as Jim, but then again, Bones was always agitated.

“They will share in good time, Doctor.”

Spock’s voice was level and calm, which served to relieve the captain further. If they were in any danger, Spock surely would’ve alerted them by now. Bones didn’t argue, which again Jim assessed as weird. He swung his arm with Bones’ hand, and asked him in a hushed voice,

“Feeling alright, Bones?”

“As fine as I’ll ever be in complete darkness surrounded by aliens.” Bones snapped, and Kirk grinned. Bones was alright.

“Captain. They wish to confer with me separately.” Spock’s grip on Kirk’s arm loosened as he spoke, but separating was the last thing Kirk was going to let happen.

“No!” He said a little too loudly. He felt many pairs of eyes turn to him as he snatched Spock’s hand in his own. Spock took in a sharp breath, likely because he’d not expected the captain to be able to catch him in the dark. Luckily Jim had had his fair share of practice and was a kinesthetically-oriented person.

“You’re not going anywhere. No one is. Whatever they have to say, they can say it to all three of us. It’s not like Bones or I can understand them, anyway.” Jim briefly tightened his grip on the Vulcan to make his point.

“Captain. They merely wish to perform a ceremony.” Spock seemed a little out of breath, his voice quiet and airy.

“They’re not going to do a damn thing until they tell us who they are, how they got here, and what this ‘ceremony’ is.” Kirk commanded. He’d turned in Spock’s direction, and as the commander replied he felt breath tickling his face and realized that they were standing extremely close to one another.

    Interesting.

    “As you wish, Captain.”

    Spock relayed Kirk’s orders to the Arborans, who conceded when Spock explained that the captain was nervous. It was true, he was, but how Spock was aware of that was a mystery to him. Another thing he would have to enquire about later.

One of the green-eyed Arborans approached them, its gaze focused on Spock. Kirk and Bones watched as the eyes got closer, and then closed. Neither of the men saw what happened next, but Jim felt his hand that was holding Spock’s tingle slightly. He released his grip slightly, wondering if his hand was falling asleep somehow. When that didn’t help, Jim decided to accept his fate.

    After a moment the Arboran’s eyes re-opened. Then it turned to Jim and said in a light yet rumbly voice,

“Hello. My name is Crys. I am the leader of this clan. We have come from far away, and our vessel was swallowed by the Great Fish. This was one generation ago, as we have only kits who were born here. Our vessel has been rendered inoperable as it was damaged by Klingon ships prior to intersecting the Great Fish. Your Commander says that your ship is not damaged and can escape the Great Fish. We wish to go with you.”

    If James T. Kirk were not the Captain of a high-caliber spaceship, he would not have processed the fact that the Arboran was now able to speak to him after having performed some _thing_ with his second in command.

    However.

    Kirk nodded. “I believe that’s reasonable. How many of you are there?”

“Eighty three.” Crys replied.

“We can manage that. If everyone of your…clan will return with us to where you found my crew and I, we can beam aboard my ship and find a way to escape the…Great Fish.”

Crys’ turned away and announced this to the clan, then turned back to Spock.

“Follow.”

    Spock tugged Jim and Bones along with him. The journey back didn’t seem quite as long. A flash of light ahead caught Jim’s attention, and not long after he heard Sulu and some other security officers calling for them.

“Mr. Sulu! We have company.” Jim called out. Sulu gathered the security officers, and for the first time in a few hours, he saw light. There were five officers in total, and they shined their lights toward Kirk, Bones, and Spock. Around them, the Arborans squinted and hissed at the light.

“Captain, we were worried about you. You disappeared.” Sulu offered a welcoming smile, which Kirk returned easily.

“Only as per usual, Mr. Sulu.” Bones grumbled, and Jim grinned at him—receiving a classic eye roll in return—before addressing Sulu.

“Lieutenant, if you and your team wouldn’t mind beaming aboard with Doctor McCoy and have Mr. Scott trace the life signs of eighty three additional organisms. Every one of them must be beamed aboard, and have Mr. Scott beam us up last. Also, have Mr. Scott lower the lights of the ship to 15% so that our friends have an easier time adjusting.”

“Aye, sir. Would you like a flashlight?” Sulu proffered his light, which Jim accepted gratefully. Then Sulu, the crew, and McCoy beamed aboard. Jim turned to Crys, who had been standing next to McCoy.

“If the lighting is not dim enough be sure to tell me. Also, our doctor will want to inspect everyone for any signs of sickness as soon as they are transported. Is that alright?” Kirk made sure to point the light to the ground, keeping his head up and eyes on those of Crys.

“I will make a complaint if necessary. And that is fine. Hopefully none among us are sick.”

    Kirk’s communicator chirped, and when he managed to single-handedly fish it out of his pants pocket, and answer, Scotty’s voice came on over the speaker.

“Captain, I can only beam up five at a time. They’re very large, sir.”

“That’s alright Mr. Scott. Take your time.”

    It was then, even after using his communicator, that Jim realized he and Spock were still holding hands. Lifting the light to Spock so that he could at least see his face, Kirk smiled up at him. It may’ve been the poor lighting, but Spock’s cheeks seemed to be tinged with green.

“Another successful day, Spock?” He asked, giving their hands a little swing. Spock raised an eye brow, glancing down at their joined hands before looking back to Jim.

“If that’s how you chose to define it, sir. May I suggest that we no longer have need for this?” He asked, raising their hands into the light. Kirk shrugged, but didn’t let go. He had no rational explanation for it; he just didn’t want to.

“It’s still dark.” He said, then deliberately switched off the flashlight. Spock sighed audibly, which made Kirk laugh. Then he said something that caught Jim entirely off-guard,

“The act of hand to hand contact is considered private and inappropriate to Vulcans, Jim.”

    Well, he couldn’t argue with that. “Sorry.”

They let go, and Jim immediately missed the contact. He crossed his arms over his chest in order to give his hands something to do other than awkwardly play with the flashlight. He decided not to over analyze the fact that he wanted to hold Spock’s hand again.

    It took a while for all of the Arborans to beam up, and Crys was one of the last. Finally, Jim and Spock were the only ones left on the surface.

“Hey, Spock? Can I ask you something?”

“Of course Captain.”

“How were you able to understand the Arborans when we first met them?”

“The Arborans were one of the first species Vulcans interacted with through space travel, as they inhabited a planet within our solar system. We share a common ancestor and both have touch telepathy as well as understanding of one another’s languages.”

“How come the Federation doesn’t know about them?”

“I believe the Vulcan and Arboran leaders decided to keep the species a secret from the Federation, as they are…unlike most intelligent life.”

“How? They seem normal to me.”

“You will see.”

    It was then that the transporter activated, and Jim didn’t get a chance to dig further.


	2. Chapter 2

    “They’re _giant cats,_ Jim!” Bones exclaimed as soon as he and Kirk were alone in the medbay. Kirk laughed at Bones’ distress: he’d been right in his initial guess. The Arborans resembled Earth domestic felines, except that the adults were roughly the size of a grizzly on all fours, and the youngest kittens (all the way from two months to five) the size of miniature horses. The rest were in between, and all of the Arborans had black, pointed tufts on the ends of their ears, no matter their fur colour. Their blood was green (McCoy had taken a few blood samples).

    And the _kittens._ They were precious creatures, bouncing about the ship in groups of fluff, excitedly chattering in their native tongue while the _Enterprise_ crew was helpless but to watch. Kirk had assigned a communications ensign the duty of giving any of the Arborans who could not understand or speak Standard or Vulcan universal translators. That included all of the kittens.

    Thankfully Kirk had had the clan remain on one floor of the _Enterprise,_ or the ensign would’ve had a significantly harder task. The only one he’d shown the rest of the ship to was Crys, whom he’d discovered was female and the mother of quite a few of the kittens. She was most comparable to a Siamese breed, though her darker colours were black and her eyes were green and never cross-eyed. Her mate’s name was Jeir, and though Kirk had only met him once, he could see that he and Crys made a perfect team to be the leaders of their clan. He was large in stature, and his fur was tan like that of a mountain lion. His demeanor is what set him as a clear leader. He was calm and collected like Crys, but unlike her he was not as curious and was more concerned with the wellbeing and safety of the others. Kirk took more of a liking to Crys while they toured, but he respected her mate.

    After Crys had returned to her clan with the decision that she would check to make sure everyone was settled before they discussed escape, Jim had wandered to sickbay. Nurse Chapel had greeted him, and gestured to Bones’ office, where they were now. Jim was leaning against the closed door while Bones was in his desk chair.

    “I’d guessed that when we were down there, you know.” Jim gloated.

McCoy glared daggers. “Bullshit. How did Spock know what they were saying anyway? It’s too weird, Jim.”

“He said that his species is related to theirs. And that the Arborans live in the same solar system that Vulcan was in before Nero destroyed it.”

“You’re telling me that the hobgoblin is actually a feline?” Bones’ eyebrows shot for the sky.

“Yup.”

Bones laughed gleefully. “This is wonderful news.”

“I knew you’d like that.” Jim laughed with him.

    They fell into silence for a moment, then Jim had a question.

“Do you know anything about Vulcan’s hands?”

Bones just stared at him incredulously.

“I’m serious!”

Bones rolled his eyes. “I remember reading somewhere that they’re highly sensitive when it comes to hands, but I figured it was related to the fact that they’re touch-telepaths.”

    A light-bulb clicked in Jim’s mind. Spock was Vulcan, therefore had touch-telepathy, therefore he was able to _feel_ Jim’s nervousness when they were below.

“Makes sense.”

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Don’t play dumb.”

“Spock freaked out when I grabbed his hand earlier. When I stopped him from going off with the Arborans.”

“You grabbed his hand? Jim, Spock’s already weird about bumping into people in the halls, why—.” Bones’ chastising was cut off by a curt knock on the door. Jim opened it to find Nurse Chapel on the other side.

“Captain, your presence has been requested on the bridge.” She reported.

“Thanks, Christine.” Jim gave her a kind smile, then turned briefly back to Bones.

“Don’t tell anyone.”

Bones simply saluted, so Kirk took that for what it was worth and made his way to the bridge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For any chapter, let me know if there are typos or weird statements. Thanks!


	3. Chapter 3

    Crys and one other Arboran were on the bridge, as well as one of her kittens which was a tiny spitting image of her. Kirk asked the name of it when he caught sight of the small creature bothering Chekov at the navigation station. Crys replied that her name was Myri and that she was the eldest of her children. Jim had learned that these creatures, while they shared the centuries-long lifespans of their Vulcan counterparts, had litters like Earth felines and matured quickly. When Crys had indicated that a generation of young had been born inside this whale that had meant they’d been in the creature for about a year. Which equivocated Myri to that of a fifteen year old human child.

    She showed it, too. She was curious like her mother, organized like her father, and reckless in her youth. Kirk enjoyed watching her interact with the ensign while he, Spock, Sulu, and the Arborans conversed. Crys had brought with her the biology specialist of her clan, a female named Wij. She had essentially mapped the length and width of the whale, and the combination of her knowledge and the scanners of the _Enterprise,_ the group had soon devised an escape plan. Just like Earth whales, this creature had a blowhole, and their best bet was to fly up to and out of it.

    With Sulu’s careful movements and Chekov’s meticulous equations, the _Enterprise_ was soon free of the creature.

    Now was the question of the Arborans. Crys had requested that they be returned to their home world, and that no one alert the Federation to their existence. The only issue was that Kirk wasn’t sure he could come up with a valid excuse for visiting the original Vulcan solar system. The journey would take one week and would make them late to their original mission, , since Vulcan was slightly out of their path. He promised Crys and Wij he’d come up with something, but neither of them looked any more convinced than he felt.

    Kirk had Sulu set course for the solar system anyway, and he and Spock walked the Arborans back to their level of the ship. Myri trailed behind Spock, asking him questions the entire time. She was endearing, and Spock had no issue detailing the parts of the ship they passed to her.

    When they’d reached the clan, it was clear that the young Arboran was reluctant to leave. Kirk promised her that she could request tours anytime she wished the next day, but for now the clan needed rest, comfort, and food. He’d found it interesting that they were strictly carnivorous, as Spock was strictly vegetarian. They may be related, but in this they were polar opposites.

    Myri had followed Crys and Wij obediently, but Jim knew that wouldn’t be their last interaction with her.

    He and Spock returned to the bridge for another hour or so, but by then Jim was tired. He requested that Spock join him for dinner, since neither of them were technically on shift. Spock obliged.

    They ate in companionable silence, then went to Jim’s quarters for a game of chess. Jim won one round, Spock the other, but during their third round Jim remembered their conversation from earlier.

“You mentioned that I would find the Arborans abnormal. Why?”

Spock moved a piece, then leaned back in his chair while Jim took his turn. “Have you encountered any intelligent lifeforms that are quadrupeds, before, Captain?”

“ _Jim._ And no. I can only think of one such species, and I’ve never had a personal meeting with them.” He’d been insisting that Spock stop calling him captain off-duty. It’d worked, but with marginal success.

He made his move. Spock retaliated. Then Jim remembered the _other_ thing that’d been bothering him.

“Spock?”

“Yes, Jim?” Spock raised an eyebrow slightly. He was focused on the game, his eyes never leaving the board. Somehow this gave Kirk more confidence to ask his question, likely because he wouldn’t have to face Spock directly while he asked.

“What exactly is it about hand-holding that Vulcans consider private and inappropriate?”

Spock froze midway through moving his pawn to a new location. He glanced up at Kirk, then back to the board and set down his piece. Jim automatically raised his hand to continue the game, but Spock caught him and held his wrist still.

“I do not think that we should have that conversation.”

    Okay. Spock was _definitely_ blushing. His ear tips were tinted slightly green, as were his cheeks. Kirk felt a little wonder that he could elicit such a reaction in his first officer.

    Spock pushed Jim’s hand away, and the captain let it fall to the table.

“Is it really that big of a deal?” He asked, bewildered. What could be so weird about hands that Vulcans were made uncomfortable by them?

“It is…taboo to talk about physical relationships to Vulcans.” Spock eventually relented. He was fidgeting noticeably enough that Jim felt a little regret at pushing for an answer. But something was telling him that he needed to know this.

“How is hand holding related? I mean, to humans it isn’t always a sign of a relationship, it can signify friendship and trust in general.”

Spock sighed. “That is not what it means to Vulcans. Our hands are…sensitive to the touch. Our telepathy has something to do with it, as through physical contact we can sense strong emotion in the other person. However, hands are also used for stimulation in…sensual manners.”

    At this point Spock was glaring at the chess board, and his blush had extended to his neck. Kirk felt downright villainous as he asked,

“Vulcans can have sex with their hands alone?”

Spock took a moment to answer, which made Kirk promise to himself not to ask another invasive question. It was adorable to see Spock flustered, but Kirk knew that if he pushed too hard, Spock would leave. And Jim didn’t want that.

“If your definition of ‘sex’ is the achievement of climax in both participating parties, then you are mostly correct. It is not, however, the means of reproduction.” Spock added the last sentence rather hastily, as if to discourage Jim from asking something ridiculous.

    Jim was _almost_ tempted to break his vow. But he refrained and instead decided to apologize for his ignorance. Except…hadn’t Spock just grabbed his hand a moment ago?

“Can I ask one more question? If not that’s okay, this is just really interesting.”

“I...if you must.”

Kirk regarded his friend for a moment, taking in his uncomfortable demeanor. He decided that enough was enough.

“No, that’s alright. I need to kick your ass at this game anyway.”

Spock visibly relaxed, and Jim felt bad that he’d been the cause of so much distress. He still wanted to know if Vulcans were _always_ having stimulation issues with their hands, but he knew it could wait, and was in all likelihood a pointless question. Spock had no issue interacting with various inanimate objects and animals, so there was likely some form of control.

    Kirk ended up losing the third game. When Spock bid him goodnight, Kirk almost found himself asking him to stay. Almost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by: http://naum-e.tumblr.com/post/134478101746  
> (The large Arboran Spock is sitting on is Crys, and one of the kittens is Myri. The one with Kirk is Zui).


	4. Chapter 4

    Life as the Captain of the _Enterprise_ had been significantly altered since the incident with Khan. His crew had lost any doubts they’d ever had in him, and it seemed as though their respect for him had somehow increased.

    The alpha shift bridge crew had grown more attached to him, and by now he considered them all to be true friends. They would try to play weekly games of poker, and occasionally Spock and or Bones would join them. Chekov was ridiculously good at the game and won more often than not, much to Scotty’s chagrin and Sulu’s amusement. Uhura would often entertain with her voice and lyre, which she’d taught Spock how to play back when they were dating. Jim was impressed with her voice and often teased her that she should record an album when she retired from Starfleet.

    Bones visited Jim daily, or Jim dropped in to the medbay. Sometimes both would occur. Jim had never respected Bones more in his life: after all, the man had brought him back from death. He considered the doctor to be the best friend he’d ever had and wanted Bones to feel appreciated and never lonely or left out of Jim’s life. And he knew Bones himself appreciated Jim’s efforts. He was a tough man on the exterior, but a genuine sweetheart on the inside.

    And then there was Mr. Spock. He was no longer a constant antagonist in Jim’s life. Instead, he became slightly overprotective and spent more time with Jim than anyone had ever done in Jim’s short twenty-eight years of life. That was including his academy girlfriend of two years, Ruth. They shared alpha shift. Spock generally ate all of his meals with Jim, except breakfast because Jim preferred to eat that meal in his quarters. They sparred together in the gym at least twice a week, and played chess together nightly. Though Spock kept up with his duties and spent as much time on the science decks as ever, he was around Jim significantly more than he’d ever been.

    When it came to landing parties, Spock protested every time Jim decided to join one. Spock tagged along, never letting Jim out of his sight. It took Spock nearly half a year to relax, and another six months to return to his usual behaviour of remaining aboard the ship while Jim joined the landing parties (unless his presence was required, of course).

    Jim had talked about Spock’s change in behaviour over the past year with Bones on many occasions. Bones had theorized that Jim’s death had somewhat traumatized Spock, which Kirk knew to be true. One day when they’d been alone in the hospital room in San Francisco, Spock had admitted that he’d lost all of his emotional control when Kirk died. Jim had reached for him, instinctively wishing to comfort him, and Spock had taken his hand in his own. He’d talked about nearly killing Khan in his rage, and how he’d felt a searing loss, one unlike that he’d experienced for his planet and even his mother. Jim hadn’t known how to respond, but it was clear that Spock was upset by this.

    Bones and his theories. Once, he’d mentioned that Spock might be in love with Jim. Kirk had thought through that theory for days. Spock’s actions easily added up to that summary. But. If he didn’t want to admit to such a thing, Kirk wasn’t going to make him. He also wasn’t going to let himself waste time hoping that this theory was true. Love wasn’t something that was supposed to be a part of Jim’s life; he had enough supporting evidence to know that much about his fate.

    But oh, if Jim didn’t _wish_. Really, it was Spock Prime’s fault. Initially he’d found his Spock attractive, but his asshole personality had immediately killed any notions Jim had had of the Vulcan. But then Spock Prime went and mind melded with him, showing him a fulfilling and loving relationship that Jim realized he _wanted._ He didn’t feel like he deserved such a thing—to be loved—and certainly didn’t tell this to Spock Prime, though the old Vulcan probably already knew. Mind melds went both ways, after all. Spock Prime knew more about Jim than anyone else, maybe even himself.

    Now, they were nearing the end of the second year since Khan had happened, and the beginning of their third year into the five-year expedition.

    And he’d just had a conversation about sex with Spock.


	5. Chapter 5

    The Arborans were a restless group. They’d quickly become bored with the one deck Kirk had them on, and so he’d agreed to let them wander as long as they didn’t interfere with the crew. He’d restricted them from the bridge except for Crys and anyone she brought with her.

    This was how he found Myri on the bridge. With permission, Crys had left her there. The youngster was learning from Uhura about communications when Jim reported to the bridge for alpha shift. Over the course of the shift, Myri visited everyone on the bridge except Jim. She went to Spock last and spent the rest of the shift learning about the science station with him. Spock was enthusiastic to teach her, and it made Jim smile.

    He felt eyes on him, and turned his gaze from Spock to Chekov and Sulu, who had glanced at him and were now sharing some sort of look that unsettled Kirk. He cleared his throat and tried to avoid blushing. It’s not like he was doing anything wrong, right? Just making sure things were going well with his first officer.

    The shift ended soon after, and Jim headed for the cafeteria after the rest of the bridge crew had been replaced. Spock and Myri joined him in the lift. Whatever conversation the two had been having at the science station continued, and Kirk was impressed to find that they were conversing in Vulcan. Since he didn’t have a translator on him, Jim had no idea what they were saying besides a word here or there. He assumed it was something sciencey, but then Myri made a noise that almost sounded like giggling, and Spock _smiled._

    Well, as much of a smile as he did when Jim said something he found amusing, with the upward curve of the corner of his mouth and the slight crinkling of his eyes.

    Jim realized he was staring again when Spock looked over at him. His smile didn’t fade, however, and so Kirk smiled back rather than feeling awkward and looking away. They looked at each other for a moment, and then the lift swished open and the trio resumed their walk to the cafeteria. After they retrieved their food, Myri sat up on the seat next to Jim while Spock sat across from her.

    Myri turned to Jim now, her green eyes scrutinizing him for a moment before she said, in Standard,

“You are Captain, yes?”

She’d asked while there was food in his mouth, so Jim just nodded. She had a stilted pattern of speech that indicated she wasn’t fluent in Standard. It was also formal, which entertained Kirk because it showed how related her species was to Vulcans: even their cultures were similar.

“Spock has high favor of you. You are young yes?”

Jim glanced at Spock, but he was looking down at his food. He turned to Myri. “Yeah, twenty-eight.”

“What are Captain’s jobs?”

“I make sure everyone else is doing theirs, and give orders when things are going wrong or when we’re in danger so that we can stay safe. Probably similar to your mother, Crys.”

Myri dipped her head in a nod. “You are like mother, yes. And Spock is like father. You are the leading mates of the ship, yes?”

Kirk laughed at that. He glanced at Spock, but he was clearly avoiding eye contact. And he was blushing again. Adorable.

    “I guess you could say that, yeah. Spock and I have great respect for one another, like your parents.”

Spock glanced at Kirk accusingly, and Jim winked at him in a way that Myri couldn’t see. Spock looked away, and Kirk swore his blush deepened.

    What the hell was happening?

    Jim excused himself soon after, as Myri didn’t have many questions for him and had turned back to Spock. He made his way to medbay, where he found Bones discussing medicine with one of the Arborans. Kirk sat on one of the beds and waited for Bones to finish. While he did, he thought about what Myri had said.

    Spock liked him at this point, Jim knew that already. They were best friends, and because of his not-death Jim knew that Spock cared about him _a lot._ But Myri had said that Spock had “high favor” of him, and then right after had compared him and Spock’s relationship to her _parents_. She may not have meant to imply that he and Spock were a thing? But maybe that was her exact intention. What had they been talking about that had led Spock to admit to her, a complete stranger, that he cared about Jim in such a way that made her think they were together? He needed to know.

    “Jim!” Bones exclaimed, having just noticed the captain’s presence. The Arboran excused himself, and Bones waved Jim into his office. Jim stole Bones’ chair, earning himself a sharp glare.

“Bones I think you might be right.”

“Well obviously. What about?”

Kirk grinned devilishly. “I think Spock likes me!”

“’Likes’ you? Jim are you a teenager?”  Bones was smiling winningly, though. “Of course he likes you. I already told you that seven months ago.”

“Yeah. I found out more about the hands, too. Vulcans have some weird kinks.”

Bones raised an eyebrow. “I do _not_ need to know that. Have you told him?”

“Told him what?” Jim asked, ignoring the fact that his heart had skipped a beat. There were two things Bones could be referring to. One was significantly less frightening than the other.

“That you feel the same, idiot.” Bones clarified, though his tone indicated he knew Jim’s train of thought.

Jim couldn’t help the sigh of relief that escaped. “No. I don’t want to make him uncomfortable. Spock doesn’t like talking about sex, apparently it’s taboo on Vulcan.”

“And it’s taboo to humans, who gives a damn? If it’s a conversation between partners it needs to be had.”

Jim made a face. “You make it sound like we’re already a thing.”

“Half the crew’s betting that you are.” Bones deadpanned.

Jim cackled. “You’re kidding!”

“Not in the slightest, and if you tell anyone you aren’t dating I’ll owe some people money.” Bones pointedly looked over to where Nurse Chapel was occupied with a task.

“She doesn’t think we’re a thing? Is that because she has a crush on Spock?” Jim didn’t need to ask why Bones had participated; whenever he joined their poker games he beat Chekov by a landslide. He found it amusing that Bones had bet on the side of them being together, though.

“Yeah. Christine knows how to pick her battles, but she’s sweet on your Vulcan.”

Jim liked the sound of that: _his_ Vulcan. “I should tell him.”

“My God man, it’s like you’ve discovered Olympus!” Bones sassed. Then, he added in a more serious tone,

“You’re going to have to consider telling him the rest of it, though.”

Jim let out a puff of air. His least favourite activity was explaining his body to partners. In the academy it’d been relatively easy with alien species; most didn’t have a binary system of gender, and Jim had always been more drawn to aliens because they were less likely to kick him to the curb in the middle of sex.

    But Spock was different. Jim wasn’t pursuing him for a fun one-night stand. He was a little head-over heels for the first officer and he wanted to make things work between them. And that meant telling him things only himself, Bones, and Spock Prime were aware of.

“I know. I can do it.”

“I wouldn’t worry too much. Spock cares more about you than your body.” Bones came over and ruffled Jim’s hair, making him duck away, a smile returning to his face. Jim swatted at him, which made Bones laugh.

“You’re acting like a cat. And I don’t mean our guests.”

Jim fake-hissed, and Bones rolled his eyes. He’d spent the last day studying the new species, though they’d requested that he not make any official records of his findings.

“Have you found anything interesting about the Arborans?”

“A lot, actually. The DNA samples I’ve taken have a ninety-seven percent relation to Vulcan DNA. They also have touch-telepathy exactly like Vulcans do, though they seem to have more thorough control and aren’t weird about physical contact. Also, they’re perfectly emotional like humans, even though their brain structure resembles Vulcans much more than it does humans.”

“Neat.” Jim cleared his throat and pointed behind Bones, where Spock had conveniently shown up. Kirk wondered just how long he’d been in the medbay. With the strength of his Vulcan ears, he could’ve heard everything. Jim swallowed down his nerves as Spock addressed him.

“Captain, your presence is required.” He didn’t specify where, which Jim found as odd. Kirk assumed he meant the bridge, so he stood, bid McCoy goodbye, and followed Spock to the lift. When the door swished behind them, Spock turned to the captain. He didn’t say anything, but his raised eyebrow indicated that he had something he _wanted_ to say. It was Spock’s habit to get Jim to talk, but this time Jim wanted to wait until he was ready. On the way to the bridge was _not_ the best time for this conversation. So instead, he just said,

“What?”

    Spock’s eyes narrowed.

    The lift stopped.

    When it opened, it was not to the bridge. They were on the level that held both Spock and Jim’s quarters. Spock led the way to his quarters, and waved Jim inside after opening the door. Jim felt incredibly nervous as he stood by the side of the door and waited for Spock to speak. The Vulcan went over to his computer and pulled up a screen. He turned back to Jim and squinted at him, likely wondering why he was all the way across the room instead of hovering over him as per usual.

“If you have not yet sent a request to Starfleet for our detour to Vulcan, I have…collected some data that would serve as supporting evidence for a necessary scientific investigation.”

Oh.

    Jim walked over to computer and read the screen. To him, it looked like Spock had gathered data that indicated significant readings of carbon, phosphorus, and nitrates where Vulcan had been. Spock explained that he had gathered real data, but had synthesized them somewhat strangely so that those elements stood out from the others as having abnormal readings. Jim asked if Starfleet would catch his change, Spock assumed they would not as he’d shown the report to many of the science officers, and none of them saw it on first, second, or even third glance. Kirk found himself impressed with Spock’s cleverness.

    He and Spock spent the next hour writing a request to Starfleet, and when that was finished, there were at least two hours left before either of them had to report to the bridge again. It was Spock who noted the time.

“Would you like to play a game of chess, Jim?”

“Do we have time for that?” Jim asked, glancing at the clock. They did, so he agreed. Spock set up the board while Jim retrieved tea for Spock and hot chocolate for himself. Back on Earth it was December, and Jim would’ve been drinking an endless amount of hot coco. His mother used to tease him that he was swimming in it.

Kirk threw himself into the game, thankful for the distraction. Ironically, the cause of the distraction sat in front of him. If only there were a simple way to bring this up.

_Hey Spock, did you know I’m in love with you and also don’t have a dick? Is that okay? Are you in love with me too?_

_Guess what Spocko! Your Captain’s not a dude. Well, he is, but like, he wasn’t. Also he thinks you’re hot._

    Kirk’s thoughts were flippant with their phrasing, and he knew he’d never say something as ridiculous as that aloud. He almost wished he could somehow get Spock to mind meld with him so he’d never have to say any of it out loud. He could hardly remember the last time he came out to someone. He hadn’t had sex with anyone since they started their five year mission, so he hadn’t really had the need to explain anything. And before that, he’d mostly had sex with alien species who couldn’t care one way or the other as long as he wasn’t boring. And he’d lived with Bones during his entire academic career, so there’d been no issues there.

    The thing about being trans in the twenty-third century was that it was a hell of a lot safer to be out than it had ever been in the past. Jim didn’t have to fear for his life in Starfleet or in space. Earth in general was relaxed about the concept of gender—extraterrestrials _existed,_ after all—except in the rural areas that still thrived on conservatism. Somehow, his mother had ended up replacing his father with a jackass from one of those places, and so Jim really couldn’t be blamed for his nerves about telling _anyone_ he was trans, much less the Vulcan he’d fallen in love with.

    “Jim.”

    Spock’s voice startled him a bit; they had been sitting in silence for nearly forty minutes.

“Hmm?”

“Is there something you wish to discuss?” Spock asked, and Jim was finally able to disconnect himself from the chessboard.

“No, why?” Jim lied through his teeth, but he wasn’t ready.

“You are distracted.”

    Spock didn’t even have to ask, he knew. It gave Jim a slight confidence boost; perhaps Spock really wouldn’t reject him.

“Yeah. But I don’t want to talk about it. Yet.”

Spock nodded, then took his turn. Kirk ended up winning the game, even though he wasn’t all that focused. But maybe Spock wasn’t very focused, either. He’d been watching Jim a bit more than usual during the game, similar to how he’d done for a while after Khan.

    There wasn’t quite time for them to finish a second game, so they sat and drank while Jim told Spock about Bones’ discoveries involving the Arborans. Spock was amazed to hear the psychological differences, and expressed interest in discussing them with one of their scientists. Jim asked him if he’d shown Myri the science decks, and Spock admitted that he had. She’d enjoyed them immensely and Spock was pleased with her curiosity.

    They returned to the bridge for their second shift of the day. Kirk was unsurprised to find that Myri was still there. There was a second young female Arboran, though, one Jim hadn’t seen before with orange tabby markings and a white underbelly. The two were chatting with Sulu, though when Kirk sat in his chair, the new one came right up to him.

“You are the Captain?” She asked, yellow eyes wide with curiosity.

“Yep. What’s your name?” Jim asked.

“Zui. May I ask how you became Captain? I would like your life story.” Zui asked. She was standing with her front paws placed on Kirk’s chair for balance. The Captain felt somewhat honored that this cat was intrigued by him: it may’ve been because Myri didn’t seem interested at all.

    Kirk launched into his life story, talking about his ridiculous adventures as a child. He talked about his step-brother, Sam, and how they’d joined forces against their abusive (step-)father. One of his favourite stories was when they’d pretended that the barn had been set on fire and had let the horses free on the pasture. They’d even pretended to hose down the barn, and the jackass had never questioned it while he spent ten hours catching his horses. Then he went into the story of his academy days, telling Zui about his first year’s antagonist, Finnigan, whose abuse he’d more or less tolerated. He described some of the professors who’d had the strongest impression on him, as well as how fun living with Bones had been (he left out the detail of Bones making breakfast for his many one-night stands, but told her how often he’d pissed the “old” man off by stumbling in drunk at odd hours of the night). He told her about Captain Pike, a leader who he admired and whose advice continued to influence his decisions. He described the mess that had made him Captain even though he was likely the youngest to ever hold that title.

    Zui had only heard stories of the loss of Vulcan, and she seemed sad that she would never get to visit the planet. Jim shared that regret, because he’d once been curious to see the desert planet that Spock and his people had lived on.

    Zui was entranced by his storytelling, and asked him to keep going. So, Kirk told her about Khan. He left out his death, but told her how the crew had saved him from severe injury and had defeated the power-driven dictator. Then he talked about the various adventures they’d had since, from having the ship taken over by an alien child to the green hand of an ancient “god” who’d taken them hostage until they’d destroyed the source of his power. Last, he told her that before they’d stumbled upon the space whale, they’d been headed to the Halkan planet to request mining privileges for the Federation of their dilithium crystals.

    Kirk had realized part-way though that the bridge crew had fallen silent, and though everyone was still working, they were all listening to him. He felt weird about it, but also…humbled that he’d affected so many people to silence. Myri had even come over to listen, and was standing on the other side of his chair.

“Captain, may I ask?” Myri piped up after Jim had fallen silent. He was about to give her permission to ask whatever question she had when Spock very suddenly came over to them. He placed a hand on Myri’s shoulder, and the Arboran immediately changed her mind.

“You have good stories.” She said instead. Jim glanced up at Spock. He had a rather dark expression on his face that would’ve been invisible to anyone but Jim. The Vulcan’s eyes looked a tiny bit murderous.

    Very suddenly, Jim no longer wanted to be on the bridge.

“Mr. Sulu, the conn.” He said, then excused himself. Zui looked disappointed at his abrupt departure, and Myri almost guilty. The last thing Jim saw before the lift doors closed was Spock’s harrowing expression.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If there are any typos or gramatical weirdness let me know! Thanks for reading!


	6. Chapter 6

    Bones didn’t seem surprised to see Jim walk into his office. He did, however, give Jim a displeased look when he sat on the edge of Bones’ desk near the paper he was working on. But, that look quickly dissolved into one of concern when the doctor took in the demeanor of his friend.

Jim kept his eyes on the floor while Bones addressed him.

“You alright, kid?”

Jim shrugged. He wasn’t, and his posture—shoulders hunched, gaze downcast, the usual bouncy air around him vaporized—showed as much. Whatever had just happened on the bridge was bothering him. Mostly the look in Spock’s eyes. The first officer hadn’t looked at him like that since the disaster that was Nero.

    He described the event to Bones.

“It does at a minimum sound like Spock didn’t want Myri to ask whatever it was she was going to ask. Maybe in your benefit.” Bones offered.

Jim shook his head. “But why was he glaring at me? I don’t remember pissing him off recently.”

“How should I know? I’m a doctor not a Vulcan mind-reader.” Bones sighed, then came over to Jim and put a hand on his shoulder.

“Look, Jim. Maybe he wasn’t even mad at you, maybe he was annoyed at whatever Myri was going to say. If it bothers you, talk to him.” He gave Jim a little comforting shake before dropping his hand.

“You should be a professional relationship advisor.” Jim teased, trying to lighten the mood.

Bones laughed. “Couldn’t pay me enough to do that.”

    Jim left Bones’ office feeling better than he had, and sooner than later he’d forgotten the incident entirely. That night he joined the bridge crew for poker, and nearly won against Chekov. The discomfort evident on the ensign’s face at almost being beaten was priceless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this one's short, I'm figuring out some wonky details. Hopefully the next portion won't be so lacking.


	7. Chapter 7

    Jim doesn’t know where he is. There are pink clouds above his head, tall blue grass under his feet, and the sky is violet. Something squeaks by his foot, and he looks down to find a black, fluffy ball peering up at him with white-rimmed, dark eyes. He smiles down at it.

“Hello.”

It squeaks in response, and dances a circle around his legs. Suddenly another one bounces out of the grass, this time purple with matching eyes. It trills at its friend, who follows it back into the grass. Jim wishes they’d stay and play with him. He looks around again to see if there’s anything else interesting.

A squeak brings his wandering eyes back to his feet. The black creature is dancing around his feet again. It skirts away, then comes back, and repeats its motion, going farther away each time. It takes Jim longer than it should for him to realize it wants him to follow it.

It leads him to a forest, where trees that look like Aspens litter the landscape. The purple one waits at the edge, trilling as they approach. The two lead him through the woods, every now and then taking turns to dance around his feet. Jim crosses his arms and laughs.

They bring him to a lake that genuinely looks like it’s filled with water. Jim loves that the weird, off-pink sunlight is making patters on the water. He looks across the lake and sees a figure standing there, watching him. Around the stranger’s feet are more off the fluffs, dancing and trilling. Jim’s fluffs lead him toward the figure, whose fluffs are leading them to him.

As they approach, Jim recognizes the person as Spock. He’s wearing a simple black tunic and matching pants that make him look absolutely ravishing. Jim notices for the first time that he’s wearing his favourite Beastie Boys tee shirt, jeans, and a red flannel over shirt that he’s left unbuttoned. Not as attractive, then.

“Spock!” He calls out, and the Vulcan smiles at him. Well, not actually, but in that weird not-smile thing he does with his eyes.

“Jim.” Spock address him when they’re merely a foot from one another. The creatures have disappeared.

“Where are we?” Jim asks.

“I do not know, Captain.” Spock does something entirely uncharacteristic then: he takes Jim’s hand in his own.

“If you would follow me, I have discovered something of interest in the water.”

Jim can’t even manage to fumble the word ‘yes’ out of his mouth, so Spock just smirks and drags him along back to his side of the lake. They kneel at the edge and Spock points to an enormous koi just off shore. Its scales are mostly old with flecks of blue, and Jim feels attached to it on sight.

“Beautiful.” He murmurs, and Spock nods. He lifts their joined hands and points at the fish with Jim’s pointer finger.

“It reminds me of you.” Spock sits cross-legged then and Jim copies him. Then the Vulcan does yet another uncharacteristic thing: he rests his head on Jim’s shoulder, even nuzzling against him slightly.

“Um. Thanks.” Jim manages, distracted by Spock’s hair tickling his neck.

“You are welcome, Jim.”

Jim leans his head against Spock’s as they watch the fish swim back and forth. He can’t decide whether to laugh at Spock’s reply or to just let it go. He chooses the latter, mostly due to the fact that Spock is weaving their fingers lightly together. Jim watches him do it. His fingers tingle at the contact, and he wants to ask why Spock is being so affectionate. What’s happened to make him like this?

But then Spock’s nose presses against his neck and Jim forgets how language works. The Vulcan breathes his scent before placing a kiss to Jim’s pulse. He leans away then so that his face is level with Jim’s. Dark eyes meet blue, Spock leans closer, and Jim closes his eyes…

~

    Jim woke with a start, and it took him a moment to get his bearings. The dream faded from his mind, and he was left with a vague recollection of confessions and a strong feeling of disappointment. Spock’s face was forefront on his mind, but it always was. He dressed and ate quickly, then made his way to the bridge. Gamma shift had not yet ended, but Kirk went to relieve the acting captain anyway. The ensign at communications called him over, however, so he deviated.

“Sir, you have a message from Starfleet. They say it needs immediate attention.”

“Thank you, ensign.” Kirk decided he may as well get that over with before alpha shift properly started, so he headed back to his quarters. When he got there, he was surprised to find Myri and Zui at his door. They perked up when they saw him approach, both calling out “Captain!” in unison.

“Morning! What can I do for you?” He greeted them, giving his trademark smile.

“I feel that I should apologize. I have been told I was going to ask a question inappropriate in public.” Myri said, and she dipped her head to the captain, who was entirely confused. Then he remembered how Spock had stopped the Arboran from asking her question on the bridge yesterday.

    “Captain, I wonder if I could ask my question?” Myri shuffled her paws a bit.

“Let’s go inside, and then feel free.” Kirk opened the door to his quarters and waved the pair inside. He followed them in and sat at his table, while they remained standing on the floor. Even so, their heads were nearly level with Jim’s chest.

“You are not like the others of the humans. I have found among your crew that males look a certain way while females look another. Yet you do not match this. Your scent is that of female but your look is that of male. I am curious for why?”

    For some unknown reason, Jim found the creature’s confusion adorable.

“Generally, human males present themselves one way while females present another. But there are exceptions which stem from various different reasons. Some people…the best way for you to understand is that their mind doesn’t match their body. Like me, for example. My mind is male, but my body was born female. I changed my body, medically, to appear male, like my mind.”

The Arborans nodded along. “This makes sense.” Myri said.

“Are you two planning on spending the day on the bridge again?” Jim asked, deciding to change the subject since Myri’s question had been answered and she seemed content with the response.

They nodded. “We still have curiosities.” Zui’s ears twitched in a way that Jim assumed meant she was excited.

“I have to take a message, and then we can go up together.” He said. The cats nodded, then proceeded to explore Jim’s room. He let them, amused by their constant curiosity over the littlest things.

    The message told him that Starfleet had approved their study of the Vulcan area. Spock’s altered data had worked.

    Jim closed the screen and took the Arborans to the bridge. When they arrived, gamma shift had already traded with alpha. Myri went over to Scotty immediately, while Zui followed Jim to his chair. He relieved the acting captain and went to sit down, but before he could Zui jumped up into his chair. He smiled awkwardly at her.

“Um. Zui.” He said, not wanting to be rude but also _that was his chair._ She looked up at him with what could only be described as an expression of pure glee. Her ears twitched, and Jim wondered if she was daring him to kick her off. Deciding there wouldn’t be any harm if she stayed, Jim went around and leaned over the back of the chair.

“Mr. Chekov, how’re we doing?” He asked, turning the chair slightly in the ensign’s direction. Zui made a tiny chirping noise in surprise as the chair moved and she had to regain her balance.

“Two days underway, sir. Three to go.” Chekov glanced behind to acknowledge the captain, but did a double take when he saw Zui in the chair.

“Thank you Mr. Chekov.” Kirk smiled at the ensign, who nodded and turned back to his screens.

Kirk watched as Chekov kicked Sulu’s foot with his own, raising an eyebrow and swiftly looking between Sulu and the Captain. Sulu waited a minute before he glanced back and took in the sight of a giant feline in place of his captain. A smile broke out on the Lieutenant’s face as he turned around and exchanged a glance with Chekov.

    Not much happened during the shift, though Jim could only stand for an hour before he had to at least sit down for a few minutes. He and Zui ended up trading the chair every hour. In between, Jim would go over to Spock and hang around him. The first officer had requested they skip their chess game last night, so Jim hadn’t had the chance to talk with him. Now that he knew what Myri’s question had been, Jim was all the more curious as to why Spock had reacted so strongly to her trying to ask him on the bridge. He appreciated that Spock had stopped her; he didn’t want his personal information to be public. But the fact that Spock had reacted implied he knew her question before she asked. Which was a concept that terrified Jim even though he’d intended for Spock to know sooner than later.

    Spock didn’t seem bothered by Jim’s presence at all, which was comforting. He didn’t even complain when Jim (purposefully) leaned into his personal space to read the screen at the science station. Neither of them brought up yesterday, but for the moment Jim was okay with that. They’d talk when they had time.

    There was one thing that Spock did that clued Jim in to the fact that there was _something_ other than work preoccupying the Vulcan’s thoughts. When Jim invaded his space, Spock would dart his eyes to Jim’s face, wait until he caught Kirk’s eye, smile in that subtle way of his, and then return to his work. Every time, this series of actions took Kirk’s breath away, and it was a miracle he wasn’t lightheaded by the time the end of alpha shift rolled around.

~

    Spock didn’t show up for lunch, so Jim ate quickly and went to bother Bones. He found him in his office reading a novel. Jim decided to mess with McCoy, so he walked in and wormed his way onto Bones’ lap, throwing his legs over the arm of the chair and hooking an arm around the back.

   Bones very nearly hit him with the book.

“Is there something you need?” His voice was muted because of Jim’s weight on his chest, which Kirk found hilarious.

“Yeah, actually. _Doctor, doctor, gimmie the news, I gotta—bad case of lovin’ you!_ ” He sang, then planted an intentionally wet kiss on Bones’ cheek.

“Ugh, Jim! Do that with your boyfriend, not me.” Bones wiped at his face with his hand and made a disgusted face.

“I’d need one in the first place.” Jim said self-depreciatingly, to which Bones just rolled his eyes to the ceiling.

“It’s been well over twenty-four hours and you’re telling me you haven’t told the hobgoblin you think his green ears are cute?”

“Why Bones, I didn’t know you had an eye for the Commander.” Jim teased, wiggling his eyebrows.

“Jim I will drop you on the floor.” Bones deadpanned.

“Alright, alright.” Jim slid off of Bones and stood, righting his shirts. He leaned against Bones’ desk instead.

“What’cha reading?”

“ _The Martin_. It’s a classic from the early twenty-first century about a man who has to survive on mars for two years by himself.”

Jim laughed. That book had been one of Sam’s favourites when they were kids, and when Jim had read it in the academy he’d loved the main character’s sense of humor. Watney reminded him strongly of Bones.

“That’s an amazing book.” He grinned at Bones, who laughed and said,

“I can see why you’d think so if you’re friends with me.”

    This was why Kirk loved Bones.

    They didn’t talk about much after that, but Jim didn’t mind. Any time spent with Bones was a good time.


	8. Chapter 8

    Two days later, Jim was expecting a message from Spock, cancelling their nightly chess game. The Vulcan was well over ten minutes late past their usual time, and when this occurred (as it had for the past three nights) he always notified Jim. Tonight, however, there was nothing. No Spock, no message.

     He’d set up the chessboard, and was fiddling with the pieces. He began to play both teams and had an interesting game going when there was a knock on the door. Quickly he returned the pieces to their starting configuration, then got up and answered the door.

    Spock stood on the other side. Jim waved him in without a word, and Spock took his seat at the table.

“Would you like tea?” Kirk asked, still standing awkwardly by the door.

    The past two days had been torture when it came to Spock. He was clearly avoiding Jim, as he didn’t show up for meals or any of their weekly routines. The gym was significantly less fun for Kirk without his sparing mate, and he missed playing chess. He’d gone to Bones for help, but the doctor still didn’t have any idea why Spock would be acting strangely, so Jim had resigned to his fate. He’d spent time with Zui and Myri, showing them the entire ship. The pair had loved interacting with Scotty (“the human with the funny voice”), who’d loved their interest in his work just as much.

    He’d seen Spock on the bridge, obviously, but what was even stranger was that Spock seemed in a genuinely happy mood and would somewhat go out of his way to interact with Jim, albeit professionally. He’d waved the captain over several times to show him interesting facts about the stars they passed by or to point out a nebula with sprawling rainbows of space dust even though those details were irrelevant to their purpose. Jim couldn’t deny that he loved the slight, excited intonation Spock’s voice obtained when he was excited about what he was discussing, so the captain had no issue indulging in the first officer’s excitement.

    Jim and possibly Uhura were likely the only ones who could tell that there’d been a shift in Spock’s attitude. Kirk wanted to know what was pleasing Spock, but since they hadn’t had any personal time, he hadn’t had the chance to ask.

    Now, they had that time. Spock accepted the offer for tea, so Jim had the replicator make two cups before he joined his friend at the table.

“Would you like to go first?” Jim asked when Spock simply sat and drank his tea. He was looking at Jim, though, which the captain took as a tiny victory. In whatever this mess was.

    Kirk made the first move after Spock shook his head, and for a while neither spoke. During one of his turns, Spock apologized. Sort of.

“I have been neglecting you of late, Jim.”

Kirk shrugged. “Figured you were busy.” He lied, because he didn’t want Spock to think that his avoidant behaviour off the bridge had bothered him _quite_ as much as it had.

“There is something I need to tell you.” Spock moved his queen without confirming nor denying Jim’s statement. Kirk took a minute to decide his next move before taking a deep breath.

He looked up at Spock, who had a vulnerable expression on his face. Kirk gave him a slight, reassuring smile, wondering if he was going to mention what’d been lightening his spirits. “You can tell me anything. Always. Don’t think otherwise. Besides, I have something I need to tell you, too.”

    Jim added the last part because he finally felt ready, and since they were here and talking, he decided he may as well.

“I unintentionally overheard your conversation with Doctor McCoy.” Spock rushed his words, his eyes fixed on the board.

“What conversation? We’ve had many.” Kirk asked, but he had a feeling he knew which Spock was referring to which sent butterflies tumbling around in his stomach.

The Vulcan’s ears tinted green as he replied without looking, “I walked into the medbay while you were discussing that the crew is gambling on the state of our relationship.”

    The butterflies’ tumbling became more like a tornado. The fact that Spock had been in the room while they’d been talking that day meant two things: he knew Kirk liked him and he knew that the captain held a secret about his body. Was that the reason he was so happy? But if that were true, why had he been “neglecting” Jim?

    Kirk inhaled shakily, fiddling with the chess piece that he’d intended to move. “Okay. So. That means you know I…I’m interested in you. Romantically.” Jim forced himself to keep eye contact with Spock, or at least with Spock’s head. The first officer still hadn’t looked up.  

 “Yes, that is what I had inferred.” Spock nodded. He took a breath, which to Jim sounded like someone was either announcing his admiralty or his death sentence.

“Jim, if I may, I wish to reiterate what the doctor said?”

    Okay. Bones had said only positive things. This was good.

    Finally Spock looked at him. His face was open to Jim, conveying a nervousness Jim had never seen on the Vulcan before. The captain nodded his consent, trying to swallow down the hope that was blooming in his chest.

    Jim couldn’t have been more surprised to find a smile forming on the Vulcan’s lips. Not a full blown grin, but a small tug at the corners of his lips that may as well have been a grin.

    The first officer almost spoke a few times, but clearly decided against it each time. Jim had never seen Spock at a loss for words and could hardly believe that he was responsible for it. Eventually Spock settled on what to say. He looked Jim right in the eye as he did, communicating his sincerity.

“Your body is of lesser concern to me than _you_. Whatever it is that you think might cause an issue, I can assure you that it will not.”

For a moment, Jim didn’t know what to do. Was Spock…he was…wasn’t…rejecting him? At all? But…Jim remembered the incident on the bridge a few days ago. And Myri’s question. And how much time the young Arboran had been spending with Spock. And how she’d assumed they were _mates._

    Spock absolutely knew. And had accepted him. All of him. And Jim hadn’t even had to have an awkward conversation about genitals.

    Vulcan hearing was a blessing.

    “You know.”

    Spock nodded. “Yes. Myri was confused by your scent, and asked me about it that first day she was on the bridge. I did not fully understand the source of her confusion until I overheard your conversation with McCoy.”

    Kirk floundered for a response, but couldn’t think of a damn thing. So instead he slid out of his chair, walked over to Spock, and pulled Spock into a tight hug. He hid his face in the crook of the Vulcan’s neck with his arms wrapped around his shoulders. Spock slowly relaxed against him; he even put his arms around Jim’s waist and leaned the side of his head against Jim’s.

    Jim had a tingling sensation everywhere their skin was touching. Warmth tickled his mind for a moment, and he realized that he was getting snippets of Spock’s feelings: love, contentment, joy. Which meant the Vulcan was getting some of his own. Jim considered how he felt: overwhelming relief, love (of course), nervousness, slight disbelief because _how was this real?_

At some point, Spock took one of Jim’s hands from around his neck and brought it down with one of his own. Gently, he formed Jim’s hand so that his index and middle fingers were the only ones extended. Then, Kirk watched as Spock did the same with his own hand and carefully ran his fingertips over Jim’s. The captain remembered their conversation from a few days ago about Vulcan hand sensitivity, and realized that Spock was probably kissing him. 

Before Jim could ask, however, Spock began to speak. He spoke quietly, as though he were afraid that his voice would break whatever was transpiring between them.

“There is a cherished word in my language. Its roots are ancient, dating back to before the time of Surak, when my species was brutal and violent. It means friend, brother, and lover. It is used between those whose minds are bonded, inseparable, indistinguishable. I would…like to use it for you, Jim. If I may.”

Goosebumps rose on Jim’s skin at the mere thought of Spock wanting to use such a significant and intimate word for _him._

“Spock. _Please do_.” Jim pulled on the Vulcan’s hands, and Spock leaned forward. Jim cupped the back of Spock’s neck and pulled him in. They paused with their faces less than a centimeter apart, and their eyes searched one another for signs of hesitancy. When they could find none, Spock said the word. Jim could _feel it_ spoken against his lips, and it felt like he was in the center of a supernova with the intense emotion it brought with it.

     Neither could tell which of them closed the distance first.

_“T’hy’la.”_


	9. Chapter 9

    Kirk was the first to pull away, and the sight of Spock dopily opening his eyes would be seared into his memory forever. Here was the one man Jim had dared allow himself to love returning that love full-force. Jim didn’t feel that he deserved this. He rested his forehead against Spock’s and looked into those chocolate eyes that were as dark as the night sky.

“I love you. _T’hy’la._ ”

    The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them, but Jim didn’t want to take them back. Especially not after hearing Spock’s breath hitch after he said it. The Vulcan surged forward for another kiss, and Jim lost himself in Spock.

        Kirk had never kissed a telepathic creature, and the experience was incredible. Any kind of connection with another creature’s mind was a wonder in and of itself, and then there was the fact that he was experiencing it with _Spock_. The Vulcan’s mind pushed and pulled against his own, enveloping Jim in his very essence. Jim felt so warm, so loved, so _wanted_.

 “Spock.” Jim mumbled, pulling away again. Spock grunted, his eyes remaining closed.

Jim kissed his nose, then each cheek bone, then his forehead. “I love you.”

“Jim.” Spock blinked his eyes open, and Kirk was elated to find that he was glaring.

“Kiss me properly.” The Vulcan demanded. Jim was more than happy to oblige. They kissed again, and now Jim noticed a change in Spock. He seemed reserved, concerned, though his warmth hadn’t dropped an ounce. What was Spock worried about?

“You.” Spock mumbled between breaths.

“Hmm?” Jim replied. He wasn’t surprised that Spock responded; they weren’t able to hear each other’s thoughts, but Jim’s confusion was probably clear.

“I am worried about you. Your self-doubt is…prevalent.” Spock leaned away slightly, peering at Jim curiously.

“Yeah. Well. I never really thought someone I loved would feel the same. Never thought I deserved it.”

Spock may as well have gasped and fallen to the floor, the look of shock on his face was so dramatic.

“Jim.” Was all he said, but it was enough. Spock obviously thought otherwise, but honestly, Jim wanted to kiss him instead of talk about his self-esteem issues.

    Spock placed his hands on either side of Jim’s head, and brought him in for another kiss. Jim settled his own hands on Spock’s hips, digging his fingers in. The first officer slowly walked them over to Jim’s bed, where Jim sat and opened his legs wide for Spock to wedge himself against Jim comfortably. They kissed like this for a while, until Jim remembered something Spock had said earlier that had piqued his curiosity.

“Spock.” He started, trying to pull away. Spock chased after him, and only when Kirk placed a hand on his chest did he lean away.

“Earlier, you said _t’hy’la_ was used by people with bonded minds.”

Spock nodded, but it was clear that he didn’t know why Jim was bringing this up. Which was odd, because usually Spock could almost…read his mind.

“You’ve gotta be kidding me.” Jim groaned and dropped his head on the Vulcan’s shoulder.

    This sneaky _bastard._

“I was not aware that _you_ were unware of it.” Spock defended, moving his hands to rest on Jim’s shoulders.

“I’m not telepathic!” Jim snorted in mock offense. Then he asked, “How long has it been there?”

He felt Spock stiffen against him, so Jim lifted his head and kissed the corner of his mouth for encouragement. It seemed to work, because Spock relaxed a little. His face was pained, and Jim had an inkling he knew what was going to come next.

“Since…you died. We…through the glass…” Spock tried to explain, but Jim could feel that he was struggling to contain the grief that was steadily rising. Jim pulled him in for more kisses, trying to reassure Spock with the fact that he was alive and well. Spock relaxed further, and soon his pain had quelled.

    The next time they separated for breath, Spock explained further.

“Our bond is not complete, which is likely why I was the only one aware of it. It is probable that for it to be perfect we will have to perform a mind meld.”

    Jim liked the sound of that. The one mind-meld he’d had had changed a lot about how he viewed himself and the world, despite that what he’d seen had been limited. For one, he’d realized that his adoration for his first officer was more than comradery. For two, he’d seen Spock Prime’s Jim, a happy old _man_ who’d lived his life to the fullest, and just like him believed whole-heartedly in the nonexistence of no-win scenarios. It’d given him confidence in his own ability and judgement, which he’d sorely needed.

    To mind meld with _his_ Spock was going to be completely different, but that was what excited him. He wanted Spock to _know_ how much he loved him, but it went beyond that. A mind meld was a literal joint of consciousness, which meant that Spock would learn everything about him, including his darkest fears and most intimate desires. In turn, he would learn those of Spock. Spock wasn’t likely to limit what he could learn like Spock Prime had. That level of intimacy with his friend was something he’d only dreamed of. 

    Jim couldn’t help the grin that formed on his lips. “I would love that.”

Spock actually laughed, a quiet huffing sound that Jim wished he could listen to forever. “Of course you would say that.”

“Can we?”

“In time, Jim.”

Kirk whined, but he was only semi-teasing. Hadn’t he waited long enough?

“It requires a higher level of intimacy.” Spock tried to explain, but by the blush on his ears Jim knew that Spock wasn’t telling him all of it.

Kirk’s grin turned devilish as he couldn’t resist the temptation to tease Spock. “Intimacy, huh? And by that I assume you mean sex.”

Spock’s cheeks flushed green, and Jim felt triumphant.

“Mostly.” Spock leaned forward against Jim, and this time he was the one who hid against Jim’s neck. He pressed small kisses to Kirk’s jugular, attempting to distract him. Jim considered letting the topic go, but Spock’s discomfort with the subject of sex in general intrigued him.

“Spock, you…you want to wait to have sex, right? Until we’ve been doing this longer?” He asked. Spock nodded against him. Jim was surprised to feel nervousness spike their emotional connection; did Spock think Jim would have a problem with that?

“I can wait, you know.” Jim suddenly felt defensive. His reputation at the academy for “sleeping around” had been unjust. He’d actually tried to have a few relationships back then, but the first, a woman named Ruth, had fled when he’d admitted he was trans, and the second, a man named Gary, had had fleeting interest in him over the years they were there together. (The third, Galia…he wasn’t sure what had happened to her. They’d had an open relationship built on a mutual agreement not to get overly attached. The last he saw of her, she’d been headed to a starship to battle Nero.)

    He couldn’t get anyone to stick, but he’d _tried_ damnit _._ After a while, it became easier to jump around.

“Yes. I know.” Spock agreed, and Jim noticed that Spock felt slightly guilty. Probably because he’d felt Jim’s defensive anger.

Jim slipped his arms around Spock’s waist, enjoying the extra warmth of the Vulcan’s body.

 “You said mostly. What’s the rest of it?”

“A mind meld is significant between partners for another reason.”

“Yes, but _what_ reason?” Jim knew Spock was avoiding the subject again. He didn’t feel bad for pressing; if they were going to have a romantic relationship, they needed to be honest with one another.

“Marriage.” Spock whispered.

Jim took a moment to process that. Spock had said “in time” when Jim had requested the equivalent of _marriage_.

Could today get any better?

“Now I really can’t wait.” Jim teased.

Spock lifted his head and placed a kiss on Jim’s forehead. “Your teasing is insufferable, Jim.”

“You love it.” Jim mumbled as Spock kissed him again.

“Unfortunately.” Spock _smiled,_ and Jim couldn’t help but kiss him breathless for the next few minutes. After, they went back to their chess game. Spock lost, but only because Jim was playing footsie with him under the table.


	10. Chapter 10

    The next afternoon, the _Enterprise_ had reached the Arborans’ planet. Once they were in orbit, Jim had Scotty operate the transporter while he oversaw the Arborans’ departure. Crys, Zui, and Myri were the last to leave. The two youngsters were clearly sad to go; their tails and ears drooped as they walked on to the transporter. Jim wished he could comfort them with promises of visitation, but knew it was pointless. The Arborans didn’t want to be a part of the Federation, and he couldn’t deny them that wish, but it was unlikely they would be able to come back to this area of space without a true mission.

    Crys thanked the captain for his hospitality as she departed. In turn, Kirk thanked her for her clan’s help in their escape from the space whale.

“Live long, and prosper.” Crys said as the transport beam whirled around her. Jim held up his hand in the Vulcan peace symbol for her, and he swore he saw a glint of amusement in her eyes before she was gone.

    “Well, Mister Scott, I wonder if we’ll find life as interesting as them again.” Jim said as he turned to relieve Scotty. The chief engineer shrugged.

“Ya never know, sir.” He saluted to the captain before leaving, probably headed for the engineering deck.

    Jim was off shift, so he went to the cafeteria since he had yet to eat lunch. There he found Bones and Spock seated together at a table near the back. He grabbed some food and joined them.

“Hello, Captain.” Spock greeted. Bones just waggled his eyebrows at Jim as he sat next to Spock. Jim intentionally brushed his thigh against the Vulcan’s, and when Spock showed no outward reaction he left it there.

He ignored Bones’ fervent glances between him and the first officer, and the lack of space between them. Jim would have time to give Bones the good news later.

    “How’s medbay, Bones?” Jim asked as he took a bite of the salad that the doctor had specifically programed the replicators to give him.

“Peachy.” Bones grumbled. Jim laughed. No one said anything for a moment, so they all took the opportunity to eat.

    Eventually, Jim said, “It’s a shame Zui and Myri couldn’t stay. They would’ve made apt officers.”

“I agree. Myri would have excelled in the science division.” Spock’s tone seemed a bit wistful, and Jim wondered if he’d wished Myri could stay on as more of a friend than a coworker since they’d gotten along so well so quickly.

“They were wonderful. Their healer certainly knew his shit. What’s our next mission?” Bones changed the subject with zero tact.

Jim obliged him anyway. “Well, once Spock’s finished running tests on the chemical make-up of the area, we’re headed to New Vulcan for a conference in about two months. We have two stops, though. First, we have to finish our mission with the people of Halkan. Then, we have to stop on a new planet, Oodia, because Starfleet wants to know if there’s life on that planet. It’s supposed to be super cold so we’ll have to be prepared.”

Bones gave him a suspicious glare. “And by ‘super cold’ you mean…?”

“Like Iowa in the winter.” Jim grinned.

“I must argue that it is not safe for—.”

“There’s no way in hell—.”

“I can’t believe you two!” Jim interrupted them, glaring, “We’re not even _there_ and you’re both on my ass about safety.”

Bones continued to glare while Spock merely shrugged and resumed eating his meal. Not much else was said, and soon Bones returned to medbay while Spock went off to collect data. Jim was left to his own devices, so he went back to his quarters and read _The Scarlet Letter._


	11. Chapter 11

    Spock found him there hours later, sprawled on his bed and two-thirds through the novel. _Queen_ played softly over the speakers, a song Spock recognized as “Somebody to Love”.

Spock sat next to Jim on the bed, and the captain shifted around the dip so his hip was pressing into Spock’s lower back.

“What’s up, Spocko?” He greeted, not looking up from his book. He was at an exciting part and didn’t want to put it down for the world.

“I have finished my analysis. We may depart at any time.” Spock reported. He didn’t comment on Jim’s nickname for him, which was disappointing. Maybe Jim would get him to notice another day.

“Cool.” Jim sighed and reluctantly set down his book. It would only be for a few minutes, since all he had to do was tell whoever was on the bridge that they could start on their next course. He wiggled past Spock and walked over to the comm on the wall.

“Kirk to bridge.”

“O’Reily here, sir.”

“Set course for Halkan, embark immediately. Kirk out.” Jim ordered. Now he could get back to his book.

    Jim had always been a fan of classic literature. He’d read _The Scarlet Letter_ twice in his life before today, and it was one of his favourites. He could relate to out-casted characters more than most people might assume.

“Jim…” Spock began to say something as Jim rearranged his body on the bed so that he was in a comfortable reading position again. He bumped against Spock as he looked up at him, waiting for him to continue.

“I was considering the change in our relationship, and I…would like to define some parameters. If I may.” Spock wasn’t looking at Jim, his eyes fixed on his hands which were entwined in his lap.

“Of course.” Jim was nervous now; was Spock changing his mind? But Jim knew better. He’d _felt_ Spock’s love for him. Spock was probably more concerned about their working relationship, then. That was most…logical.

“When we are on shift, I believe it would be best to remain professional so as not to be distracting to the crew, or one another. Also, I am not sure it would be wise to announce the change to the crew yet, as we have just established the change for ourselves.”

    Ha! Jim was right.

    “I agree on both points, though Bones will find out whether we like it or not. Besides, the crew will probably figure us out before too long, so I won’t even worry about some sort of announcement.”

    Jim knew the alpha shift would hardly be “distracted” by Jim and Spock being affectionate (what that would even look like, Jim couldn’t imagine); in reality it was Jim who was more likely to become distracted if Spock were to pay that kind of attention to him while they were on duty. And not telling anyone that he and Spock had decided to start a romantic relationship was perfectly fine with Jim, since they’d only admitted their feelings _yesterday._ In a weird, emotional way, Jim wanted to have Spock for himself as long as he could. Unfortunately, the way gossip traveled on his ship meant that everyone would know by the end of the week, if not sooner.

    “I am not, however, opposed to small…what is the phrase, ‘public displays of affection’? When the time comes.” Spock finally looked up at Jim, who couldn’t help but grin at him for knowing what PDA was.

“So eventually I could kiss your cheek in front of people and that would be okay?”

Spock flushed slightly green, which was _adorable_. “I believe so, yes.”

“What about hand holding? For humans in a romantic relationship it’s a standard thing. Would that be too much?” Jim could see that his question was being received negatively by the drawn look on Spock’s face.

“Not so long as it is within reason. I have the ability to ignore the sensations, and being half-human has its advantage in this scenario.”

Jim laughed merrily and rolled on his back, book abandoned. “Spock, have I told you I love you yet?”

“Many times, yes.”

“Good. Cuz I love you!” Jim sat up and placed a kiss on Spock’s cheek before falling back with his hands crossed under his head.

Spock raised an eyebrow at him so Jim wiggled his in response. Then he reached up and dragged his Vulcan down for more proper kisses.


	12. Chapter 12

    The Halkans refused to negotiate. Kirk was frustrated with their stubbornness, but he couldn’t blame the leaders for putting their home’s interests before those of the Federation. He bid the leaders peace and long life before requesting the away team (comprised of himself, Bones, Uhura, and Scotty) be beamed aboard.

    When they materialized in the transporter room, Kirk immediately knew something had gone horribly wrong: Spock had a beard.

    It wasn’t any beard, no, it was a terrible ‘van dyke’ style, slightly lighter than his hair colour and warping around his upper lip.

    The first officer walked around from behind the transporter control panel and stood at the bottom of the steps.

“Captain, have the Halkans agreed to give us their dilithium?”

Kirk stared at him, just now realizing that his outfit was wrong, too. The blue material was one he didn’t recognize, and there was a gold sash tied around his waist. Most notably was the absence of the Starfleet insignia.

“No, they didn’t. Mr. Spock, if you don’t mind my asking, what on Earth are you wearing?”

“I do not understand the question.” Spock tilted his head slightly in confusion, and the gesture Jim usually found endearing was completely thrown off by the now-present facial hair.

“Did Chekov and Sulu put you up to this?” Kirk stepped down in front of his first officer and crossed his arms over his chest. Why was Spock playing dumb? What kind of ridiculous prank had Chekov and Sulu devised that involved dressing Spock in some of the weirdest clothes Jim had ever seen?

“No, sir. I am not sure from where your confusion stems.”

“Your beard! Your clothes! They’re _wrong,_ Spock. Where’s your Starfleet badge?” Kirk grabbed Spock’s shoulders and shook him a little, “Stop playing whatever game this is!”

Spock gently removed the Captain’s hands from his shoulders, holding his wrists captive.

“I do not know what ‘Starfleet’ is, though I assume you are asking about my Empire insignia which is on my shirt.”

“Empire?” Kirk parroted, and Spock raised an eyebrow.

“You are not my captain.” The Vulcan stated, and it was then that McCoy spoke up from the transporter, where he, Scotty, and Uhura had looked on this exchange with utter bafflement.

“Damnit, Spock! Of course he’s your captain! Quit scaring Jim with whatever nonsense this is.” Bones snapped. Spock looked up at him in amusement.

“This is no game, doctor. I believe the transporter has malfunctioned and traded the four of you between alternate universes. You are currently aboard the _ISS Enterprise_ of the Terran Empire.”

“ _ISS?_ Our ship is called the _USS_.” Uhura noted. She came down the steps and stood next to Jim and Spock. Jim noticed that her outfit was different, with a crop-top, mini-skirt, and gold trim. He looked around and noticed that everyone’s outfits had changed, including his own. He had a gold sash, like Spock.

    “How can we fix this?” She asked, arms crossed and expression defiant.

“I will need time to discover the answer. If Mr. Scott could help me, that would be appreciated.” Spock responded, directing the last half to Kirk.

“Yes, of course. Proceed immediately.” Jim wiggled his wrists free of Spock’s grasp and sat on the top step while Spock and Scotty went over to the control panel and began fiddling away. Bones and Uhura joined him.

“I hate those damn transporters.” Bones grumbled. He sat behind Jim with his legs on either side of the captain and began massaging his neck muscles. Jim had to resist the urge to lean back against him; Bones’ hands were a damn miracle.

“Well, now you have another reason to hate them.” Uhura flashed the doctor a teasing smile, to which he rolled his eyes.

    They fell into silence for a while, which was abruptly interrupted by the comm beeping near the door. Everyone froze and looked up as Sulu’s voice came over the speaker.

“Captain Kirk. Is the Captain there?”

Jim stood and walked over to the comm, glancing at Spock for guidance. The bearded Vulcan merely watched him from where he was crouched next to Scotty.

“Kirk here.”

“Captain, the Empire wants to know our progress with the Halkans.”

“Mission failed, Mr. Sulu.” Kirk kept his eyes on Spock for any indication that he’d made a mistake, but there was none.

“Shall we use the agonizers to convince them, sir?”

Spock shook his head.

“Hold that order. Kirk out.”

    Jim released the button and walked over to Spock, who looked up at him curiously.

“What does he mean ‘use the agonizers’?”

“The Empire’s motto is one of conquering, and if the Halkans do not agree we are ordered to take their dilithium at any cost.”

“But that’s… _our_ Federation has a mission of peace!” Jim crossed his arms in frustration. Spock smirked at him, but only in a way that Jim would notice.

“Have you found that approach to be effective?”

“Yes! We’ve prevented numerous wars on our five-year mission, and the Federation is full of species willing to compromise and discuss for the good of everyone. How have you found yours?”

“Those in the galaxy that know of the Empire do not resist, as they know that to resist is to die.”

“That’s pure evil!” Bones called over from where he and Uhura remained seated. Jim had to agree. He prided himself on his ability to peacefully negotiate, and to learn that in this alternative world he was the captain of a murder-ship was distressing to say the least.

“I have to agree with Bones. You’d better finish this before I have to report to Sulu.” Jim scuffed his foot on the floor before leaning back against the wall. Spock stood and moved over next to Jim.

“You ought to consider yourself lucky, Jim. Had another crew member of high rank been operating the transporter, they likely would have killed you to advance in rank.” Spock had a smug look on his face that had Jim gaping at him.

“You mean in order to advance rank here you have to _murder_?”

“Yes, it is the only way as it is a display of dominance.”

“ _Cool motive, still murder_.” Jim whispered, but he knew Spock could hear him. Vulcan ears and all. Spock seemed amused.

    “Captain! I’ve made the adjustment. We should be good to go.” Scotty stood and dusted off his pants, then walked over to Bones and Uhura and ushered them on the transporter. They each took their original spots and looked over to Jim, who was still with Spock. Who had a beard.

“Mr. Spock, may I ask why you have a beard?”

    He could hear Bones roll his eyes.

A small glint appeared in the Vulcan’s eye. He took the Captain’s elbow and led him to the transporter. He released Jim as he pushed him up toward the stairs. Jim took his place, Spock took his. Then the first officer met Jim’s eyes.

“Aesthetic.”

    The transporter activated.


	13. Chapter 13

    When they materialized, Spock was there to greet them. He had no beard, no sash, and no Empire uniform. All was well.


	14. Chapter 14

    Jim was practically bouncing with energy. They’d reached Oodia and his landing party had assembled in the transporter room. It consisted of himself, two security ensigns Marco and Anderson, and one science officer Snyder. Spock was beaming them down; he’d made multiple complaints about Jim going with the team, “no knowledge of the planet nor its inhabitants and it would be unwise to proceed”, and had not elected to join them.

    Kirk shot his first officer a confident wink as he began to beam them down.


	15. Chapter 15

    The surface of Oodia was frozen solid. Mountains of crystal liquid rose on all sides of the landing party: they’d arrived in a valley. The air was breathable and cold, each member of the party puffed out clouds as they exhaled. Their sub-thermal jackets, pants, gloves, and hats—Starfleet issue—prevented them from feeling the cold otherwise. The sky was dark grey, and had they been on Earth Kirk would’ve assumed a tornado was going to touch down within the next few hours.

    He dug his communicator out of his pocket and contacted the ship.

“Kirk to _Enterprise._ ”

“Mr. Spock here, Captain.”

“We’ve landed safely. I’ll check in again in half an hour.” Kirk slid the device back into his pocket and turned to the science officer. She was an Orion whom Jim had met once (before the five-year mission) in the academy. She was older and had been one of Galia’s tutors.

“Officer Snyder, are there any signs of life?” He asked her.

She shook her head. “No, sir. My tricorder isn’t picking up any except ours."

“Does it say anything about the composition of the frozen material?” Jim wondered.

“Ice, sir. Like on your Earth.” She replied after adjusting her tricorder.

“Exactly?”

“Yes, sir.”

    He looked around for ideas. The nearest mountain could be promising, so he decided to direct the team to it. They walked for about an hour, which required Jim to check in twice with the _Enterprise_. Both times he’d spoken with Spock, and both times he’d briefly wondered if Spock missed him. Jim felt his Vulcan’s absence like a thorn in his side, and wished he’d gotten the chance to kiss him one last time before transporting to an unknown planet. As much as Jim would never admit it, he shared Spock’s concern for his safety only because he didn’t want to die without his friends.

    Though, Jim always knew he would die alone. Spock may be aboard the _Enterprise_ , but he was still there, ready to save Jim’s dumb ass if he needed it. And so was Bones.

    The team was about two hours into the climb when Officer Snyder called out to the captain in panic.

“Sir, there’s a storm approaching. The temperature will drop twenty degrees! We should get back to the ship.”

Jim pulled out his communicator. “Spock, we need to beam up.”

There was no reply.

“Kirk to _Enterprise,_ come in _Enterprise._ ” He tried again, trying to adjust the knobs to get a better connection. Nothing.

“Captain, the storm will be on us in ten minutes.” Officer Snyder reported.

    He had to think fast. He remembered passing a cave just down the slope, and if they were quick about getting to it, there was a high chance they’d all survive. He ordered his crew, and they all slid down to the cave mouth. As they ran, Jim could see the nearly black mass of the storm that had crept up on them. The enormity of it intimidated him.

    The security officers went inside first, then Snyder, then himself. Each of them held their phasers at the ready, except for Snyder, who was focused on her tricorder in case any lifeforms popped up. Once they could no longer see the cave entrance, Jim ordered that they stop. He tried to contact the ship again, but to no avail. They would have to wait for the storm to blow over.

“How long will it last?” Jim asked Officer Snyder, who merely shrugged helplessly. Her tricorder couldn’t give her that information yet.

    Deciding to take turns with guard, Kirk and security ensign Anderson were elected to take the first sleep, while Snyder and Marco took the first watch.


	16. Chapter 16

    Kirk awoke to find himself alone, his team nowhere to be found and the only trace of them a flashlight.

Well, fuck.

    He sat up and checked for his phaser and communicator. They were still on his person. Good. Kirk took out his comm.

“Kirk to _Enterprise._ ”

Silence.

He tried again. “ _Enterprise_ , this is Kirk. Respond.”

Silence. Great.

   Kirk stood, dusted off and decided to check out the front of the cave to see if there were any developments with the weather. As he got closer he could hear wind whipping around the slope outside. It was what Jim imagined dragon roars sounded like.

    When he was able to see the mouth of the cave he stopped dead in his tracks. Ahead of him was a wall of white, which was presumably this planet’s equivalent to snow. Kirk leaned against the side of the cave and stared while he tried to make heads or tails of what was going on.

First, his crew had vanished despite the fact that they had taken refuge in the very back of a one-tunneled cave. Second, he couldn’t contact the _Enterprise_ to ask if they been beamed aboard, which was the most likely scenario. Third, he hadn’t been taken with the crew, so either the transporters broke or the _Enterprise_ was not who took his crew.

    Suddenly his comm chirped. He opened it.

“Kirk here.”

“Captain! Apologies, sir. The transporter malfunctioned and we’ve had a hard time reaching you because of the weather.” Scotty’s voice informed him. Kirk felt overwhelming relief.

“Is everyone else safe?”

“Yes sir.”

“Good. I’ll stay put, let me know when it’s fixed. Kirk out.”

    Jim slid to the floor of the cave and rested his head against the wall behind him. He hadn’t asked Scotty how long it’d take for him to fix the transporter, but usually it only took him an hour to half a day. Jim had no idea when the others had been beamed up, nor did he know what time it was. The one drawback of communicators was that they didn’t have clocks.

    His mind wandered to his ship, and he wondered what everyone was up to. Bones was probably freaking out about Jim’s wellbeing, so hopefully Scotty would comfort him a little by reporting that Jim was alive and well. Officer Snyder was probably inputting the data she’d retrieved and analyzing it with her was Spock. He’d been excited to learn of new life forms; too bad he would be disappointed.

    Not that Spock would “feel” disappointed. Jim laughed to himself. Spock’s insistence that he felt nothing had always seemed a rouse to him, and now that Kirk knew _exactly_ how much Spock felt his stoic pretense was all the more entertaining.

    He and Jim hadn’t spent any extra time together yet, since they’d started…dating wasn’t the right word, but that was the best he could come up with. Putting a label on their relationship was weird to him. They were Kirk and Spock, as they always had been and always would be. _Being_ together was all either of them needed, regardless of _how_ they were together.

    They’d made out a few times after playing chess. Jim had successfully distracted Spock twice more with playing footsie during their matches, and the last time Spock had lost with a frustrated huff and proceeded to pin Jim against his mattress for a solid hour.

    But that was all. Jim didn’t want to rush Spock into anything, and he knew how much his friend valued professionalism so he’d kept his hands to himself—well, as much as James T. Kirk could.

    He was considering asking Spock to spend the night, the next time they had the opportunity. They shared a bathroom between their suites, so Spock wouldn’t have to concern himself with getting caught in a post-cuddle walk of shame by a random crew member. Jim grinned at the image in his head, of Spock in only his shorts, hair disheveled, leveling a staring ensign with a cool glare as he passed. That’d be hilarious.

    Maybe Spock wasn’t a cuddler, though. The idea made Jim a little sad, because if there was one thing he loved it was cuddling, a habit he picked up from when he and Sam had spent many nights puddled on the living room floor watching movies on their holoplayer. In fact, Jim was probably as physically affectionate as he was because of his brother.

    Hopefully Spock would be down for some serious snuggles.

    Jim’s communicator beeped, dragging him from his reverie.

“Kirk here.”

“Captain, the transporter’s up again. Shall I beam you up, sir?” Scotty asked.

“Right away, Scotty.” Jim closed him comm and immediately the sound of a transporter beam filled his ears. He waited, but before he felt himself dematerialize there was a sharp pain on the back of his head. The world went dark.


	17. Chapter 17

    The second day of the Captain’s absence was felt throughout the decks of the _Enterprise_. The doctor was angry instead of grumpy, the bridge crew silent and tense instead of chatty and cheery. And Spock was not sure what to do with himself. His concern for Jim was forefront on his mind: his performance in his duties had dropped a noticeable ten percent, which only furthered the stress of the crew.

    Mr. Scott had been about to beam the Captain aboard when he’d noticed the presence of three other living creatures appear behind Jim. Then all four had disappeared.

    They would find him. They had to.

    The first officer had tried to busy himself with analyzing Officer Snyder’s data, but there wasn’t much to look at as she’d found no signs of life in any of her scans.

    He’d taken to meditating during most of his off-duty hours, but no matter how long he spent processing his emotions, his concern would not lessen. He was afraid for Jim’s life, and given their emotional attachment (both before and after the change in their status) to one another, that fear was only heightened.

    It was frustrating, but there was not a lot that Spock could do aside from remain calm in front of the crew.


	18. Chapter 18

    When Jim woke, he found himself strapped horizontally to a slab of some freezing, hard material. He was looking up at a cave ceiling at least one hundred feet above his head. Jim tried to look up and see what was around him, but he couldn’t lift his head because there was a strap above his neck. Whoever had put him here did not want him to learn about them.

    Jim tested the straps around his ankles and wrists to find that he couldn’t even raise them from the table.

Lovely.

    He lost track of how long he lied there, waiting for _something_ to happen. He fought sleep for some of that time, only managing to beat it by allowing himself to be scared. Fear was familiar to him, but usually Jim ignored the instinct to complete whatever task was before him. He rarely chose to acknowledge it, since being afraid had only been detrimental to him in the past.

    Jim wondered if Scotty had been able to detect whoever it was that brought him here, and if the _Enterprise_ crew were looking for him. Part of him knew that they were, but the insecure part of him was considering whether they’d left without him.

    The sound of a heavy metal door creaking open shook Jim from his half-conscious state.

“Who’s there?” He called out, listening as clipped footsteps approached him.

“Oh, just a simple man.” An airy voice replied. Jim recognized it easily even though it’d been years since he’d heard it last.

“Travis.”

“Ah, so you remember me!” He crowed, appearing above him. He leaned over him with one hand braced on his chest and a grin of malice gracing his face. His mouse-brown hair had grown long and a shade or so darker, which accentuated his green eyes.

He’d aged in a beautiful way that Jim couldn’t have predicted.

“Of course I remember you.” He breathed, the pain of memories choking him.

    Travis had been his childhood best friend, and later on his first love. His family had lived just down the lane from his, and he’d been there for him when his mother left, when Frank became too much to handle. And Jim had been there for him, when his horse died, when his grandmother passed, and when he couldn’t decide which college to go to.

    They’d agreed to mutually terminate their relationship since Travis was planning on going to school in Australia, and Jim to Starfleet. Because of this they almost ended on a positive note; their friendship would naturally fade over the years, and they’d visit on holidays.

    But then, Travis had discovered a rumor about Jim that had been circulating their school. Their fight had been explosive, resulting in a slammed door in Jim’s face. Travis never spoke to him again.

    Until now.

“Good. Then I’ll be brief, _Amy_. I’m going to steal your command, and you are going to rot, alone, in prison like you deserve.”

Jim could only stare at him in horror. Now he knew Travis’ motive now without any doubt. He was lucky that he wasn’t going to murder him.

    “How exactly do you plan on that?” He asked. He was unsure of how Travis had come to this planet in the first place, considering Officer Snyder hadn’t found any traces of life.

    His questions were answered as a two Romulans appeared on the other side of him. Had Travis been _stalking_ him across the galaxy, only to exact revenge?

“Why should I tell you? You’ll only spoil the fun.”

    From there, he switched into fluent Romulan. Unfortunately, Kirk only knew snippets of what was said, but the words “body” and “machine” stuck out.

“What are you going to do to me?” He demanded. He’d ruled out diplomacy almost immediately; Travis had always had a crude demeanor when it came to scientific experiments and Jim didn’t want to put himself in more danger than he was in by pissing him off with niceties.

    Especially because Travis was only here to seek revenge.

Travis only laughed, and then Jim fell unconscious as an electric pulse surged through him from the slab.


	19. Chapter 19

    Jim had been missing for four goddamn days. Leonard was losing his mind with worry, which was annoying and only served to worsen his mood. The entire crew was on edge, and multiple search parties had returned with nothing. Even Spock was noticeably distracted from work, which was the worst sign. Seeing the First Officer in such a state pissed Leonard off, because Jim still hadn’t told the damn hobgoblin about his damn feelings, and now there was a tiny chance that Jim was dead and Leonard would have to bottle that shit up for the rest of his life.

    Scotty blamed himself for the transporter’s inability to collect Jim, but no one let him finished that sentence, reassuring him that he had and continued to do his best. Uhura was searching channels for any sign of nearby ships, and she’d stumbled upon a Romulan vessel on the other side of the planet, but they would not respond to any hails. Spock had ordered her to alert Starfleet, whose verdict they were still waiting for.

    Spock had visited Leonard more in the past four days than he had since Jim’s death. It concerned the doctor enough that he approached Spock about it. The hobgoblin had come to him to talk about the failure of the most recent search party to find anything, and Leonard had eventually broached Spock’s feelings by saying.

“I’m worried about him too, you know.”

Spock paused and took on what Jim had christened his ‘loading’ face.

“Vulcans do not experience worry.”

Spock should consider himself lucky that Leonard was too tired to argue. “Don’t lie to your doctor, Spock. We’ll find him.”

“You cannot be sure, as there is a 3245—.” Spock began to recite a probability, but he was cut off by the comm on Leonard’s wall.

“Bridge to First Officer Spock. We have a hail, sir. It’s from the Captain.” Uhura’s voice informed them.

Leonard couldn’t remember the last time he’d actually ran.


	20. Chapter 20

    As soon as they materialized, Travis ordered for Amy—in his own body, which was a strange sight—to be imprisoned immediately. Two security guards hauled her away, and as soon as they did a Vulcan and a man burst through the door.

“Jim!” The man yelled, and Travis noted that he had a medical badge on his uniform shirt.

“Doctor.” Travis greeted him with a welcoming smile. Based on this man’s excitement, he was likely close to Amy. A tiny flare of jealousy distracted him for a moment, which he then promptly shut down.

“We’re taking you to medical right now.” The doctor ordered. He made to grab Travis’ arm, but he stepped away before he could.

“That won’t be necessary. I’m fine.”

The doctor glared at him. “The hell you are.”

He took out what Travis assumed was a medical device and waved it at him. “Well, I guess.”

“Captain, we have an incident on the bridge. There are Romulan vessels on the other side of this planet.” The Vulcan reported. Although, Travis could admit he knew the alien’s name. Mr. Spock was the only Vulcan in Starfleet, after all.

“Thank you, Mr. Spock. Shall we?” He asked, extending a hand toward the door. Mr. Spock turned and he followed suit, leaving the doctor grumbling to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Thank you all for your comments, I love that y'all are loving this! So, the next bit is long, and for *suspense* (editing) I'm keeping it to myself for at least another week. Good luck to those who have finals coming up! I know I do...


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> are y'all ready? this one's long since it's been nearly a week since i finished finals and significantly more than one since i've updated. also, not gonna lie, im a little stuck after this bit, so it'll probably be another week or so before im able to update again...

    Jim hurt _everywhere_. His skin felt aflame and his bones ached.

    He couldn’t open his eyes, but he knew his wrists were bound and he was blindfolded. There were plugs in his ears, and he could only hear quiet shuffling around him. He was incredibly disoriented, and his body felt heavy, like it had gained an extra fifty pounds.

    A strong hand gripped his arm, and he felt himself dematerialize.

    The hand still had hold of him when he rematerialized onto a softer, warmer ground than what had presumably been the cave floor Travis had left him on. There was more shuffling, and then two sets of hands, one set on either side, grabbed him and hauled him to his feet. He felt his head swim with the sudden movement, and he cried out instinctively at the discomfort. That was when he discovered that he was gagged.

What the hell was going on?

    He was shoved roughly around as his captors walked him to what was likely the brig of whatever ship he was on. Jim was having difficulty walking, since his body was still heavy and aching.

    When they arrived, they shoved him forward suddenly. When Jim heard the loud _woosh_ of a force field activate, he knew he was on the _Enterprise_. No Romulan ship had that technology in their brig.

   Jim crawled (rolled, but he’d deny it) around on the floor of his cell and immediately began scratching the bond at the corner of the cot when he found it. The bonds were rope and began to give away after a few minutes. Before Jim could continue to free himself, _his voice_ interrupted him, loudly enough that he could hear the words being spoken.

“You see, Mr. Spock? Mad, as I told you.”

Spock’s tenor replied something that Jim couldn’t understand, but the sound of his voice alone calmed Jim for a moment. He stopped trying to cut the rope and scooted toward the sound of Spock’s voice. Something jiggled around his legs as he moved, a sensation which he instantly recognized yet had never experienced.

    He didn’t have the energy to fight the tears that sprung to his eyes.

    “Spock.” He grunted around the gag, which made it come out as “ _Sthpk”_.

“I wonder what he’s trying to say.” He heard his voice muse.

Spock did not reply, or if he did Jim couldn’t hear it. After a significant amount of time passed, Jim realized he was alone. He resumed the task of cutting his bonds, and when he succeeded he immediately ripped the gag, blindfold, and earplugs from his person.

   He was definitely in the _Enterprise._ Good news number one. He was not dreaming. Bad news number one. Spock was alive and well. Good news number two. He was in a man’s body. Good news number three.

   Jim went over to the makeshift restroom that was in every cell, complete with a mirror, which was all he needed. He found Travis’ face staring back at him, mousey hair, emerald eyes which Jim had once cherished more than life itself…Bad news number two.

    Maybe he was dreaming, and he’d wake up cuddling with Spock and he wouldn’t have to face the hell that’d been the end of one of his best friendships.

    Real or not, he’d switched bodies with Travis. That was the only way Jim could find this to be possible; otherwise Spock would have recognized him immediately.

    Spock. Jim needed Spock _right now._ If anyone could prove that Jim was himself, it would be his first officer—the touch telepath.

Jim walked over to the force field and found a security officer posted next to it.

“Can I make a request?” He asked. His voice was lower than it should’ve been, and it nearly made him laugh.

“Can’t stop you from asking.” The guard replied with a shrug.

“I would like to speak with the First Officer.”

The security officer shook his head. “The Captain ordered that no one could talk to you without his permission.”

“Not even your doctor? Can’t he talk to me? My bones ache and I might have a migraine.”

The officer shifted. “Well, I suppose. The doc has more command on this ship than anyone. I’ll call for him.”

    The officer used a comm nearby, and soon enough Bones was standing on the other side of the force field.

“What can I do for you?” He asked, more polite than Jim had ever had the chance to witness.

“Bones, I need to talk to Spock.” Jim didn’t have time to play along with whatever rouse Travis wanted to preside under, and the best way to do that was to call Doctor McCoy by his begrudged nickname.

“How the f—?”

“Bones, it’s me, Jim. Travis—crazy ex, don’t ask—wants revenge on me so he stole my body and my ship.”

Bones original stare of shock turned into a full blown glare. “As much as that sounds like Jim, how do I know you’re him? You could’ve replicated his memories.”

    Bones’ caution was reasonable; it made Jim proud that his CMO was so smart.

“Spock’s a touch telepath, he’ll be able to confirm it. Get him to me, Bones. Please. And if you have any…not aspirin, but the pain killer I’m not allergic to.” Jim requested.

    Bones stared at him for a minimum of two minutes before heaving a sigh and saying, “If you _were_ pretending to be Jim you’d’ve remembered the damn name of a simple _ibuprofen_.”

Jim couldn’t help but smile.

“Lueig, let him out.”

The security officer did as he was told, and Jim scooped Bones into a hug, which his friend gladly returned.

“Not too tight.” Jim squeaked. It was weird hearing his squeak in a much lower tone than usual.

Bones released a little. “What hurts?”

“My bones, skin, head, liver, kidneys, you name it.”

“Jesus, let’s get you to medbay.”

    Bones sent Officer Lueig to find Spock, and in the meantime he smuggled Jim up to medbay using a blanket that was kept in the brig in case a prisoner was cold. Bones locked them in an unused room while they waited.

    “Four days, kid. You’ve been missing for four days.” He sighed as he helped Jim up on the medical bed. Jim couldn’t help but grunt in pain at the effort it took. Why was Travis’ body like this? Was it a side effect of the swap?

“Sorry.” He huffed in response once he was settled.

Bones shrugged, then rested a hand on Jim’s head and played with his hair.

“I don’t like your hair like this.” He admitted, dropping a long strand.

“Me neither. But, the one plus of this is that I know what it’s like to have a di—.” Jim was cut off by a sharp rap on the door, and Bones peeked through the blinds before he opened it. Spock slipped inside, alone, and immediately drew a hostile position when he saw Jim—well, Travis’ body.

“Jim’s gone and gotten himself body-swapped.” Bones snapped before Spock could say anything.

The first officer glared at Bones disbelievingly. “Doctor, the prisoner needs to be contained, he is unstable and—.”

“Spock.” Jim interrupted him, instantly becoming the subject of a confused, affronted stare.

“It’s me. This man, Travis, switched our bodies and now he’s stolen command of my ship.”

“The _Enterprise_ belongs to Starfleet, of which you are not an officer, therefore this ship is in no way ‘yours’.”

“Spock, would you take your head out of your a—.”

“Bones! There’s an easier way to solve this than insulting him.” Jim gestured for the Vulcan to come over to him, but he remained standing by the door.

“Spock. _Please_.” Jim tried his best to use the tone that he’d used when he was begging for Spock to kiss him, _damnit._

    He knew Bones’ was going to recognize the tone too, but that was the least of his worries. He did, however, take a little pride in making Spock’s cheeks dust green. Spock came over to him, and without hesitation he spread his fingers across Jim’s meld points and dove in.

    _I thought mind melds were supposed to be intimate_. Jim complained with his thoughts as Spock reviewed his memories of the past few days. This didn’t feel intimate, it was more like an interrogation. Spock didn’t dig further when he discovered Jim’s apprehension and fear of Travis, but Jim could tell the presence of those feelings made his Vulcan uneasy, so he briefly brought up the fight he and Travis had had the day before…

Then he cut Spock off before he could see the rest.

 _This is a different kind of meld. There are many._ Spock explained before he withdrew.

    “I stand corrected. The mind present belongs to Jim.” He reported, taking Jim’s hands in his own and holding onto them like a vice. Jim was afraid that Spock would react negatively to what he’d learned of Jim’s past with Travis, but Spock said nothing about it.

“Damn right. Now, how’re we going to solve this?” Bones asked, choosing not to question what’d just happened between his commanding officers.

“I think the machine Travis used is on planet Oodia, in one of the caves under the mountain. I was held in a cave for a while. Also, he’s buddies with some Romulans.”

“Lieutenant Uhura noted the presence of a Romulan vessel yesterday.” Spock confirmed.

    Suddenly Spock tensed and backed toward the door. “Jim, lie down and pretend to sleep. Doctor, begin running an exam. Travis is about to arrive.”

    Bones helped ease Jim into a lying position, than began probing Jim’s skin and waving meters over every inch of him. Jim listened as Bones mumbled something about radiation. Then the door opened.

“Doctor!” Jim heard his voice snap, “I ordered for the prisoner to remain in the brig. Why is he here?”

“He’s got radiation poisoning.” Bones snarled back. Jim imagined Bones with a tiger’s face to entertain himself, because he’d never heard the doctor so enraged before.

“Then strap him to the bed. He’s insane and needs to be restricted.” Travis’ voice was cold

“Whatever happened to innocent until proven guilty?” Bones grumbled, but Jim already sensed him reaching for the straps.

“Just do it.” Travis snipped before the clipped sound of boot heels announced his departure.

    When he was long gone and the door once again locked, Bones took off the straps and helped Jim sit up.

“I never want you to use that tone with me.” Bones announced.

“Right back at’cha.” Jim agreed.

“Based on his dialogue with Doctor McCoy, I assure you I would have found myself skeptical of his validity.” Spock offered, which made Bones roll his eyes and Jim laugh. He gestured for Spock to come over again. This time there was no hesitation.

    Spock took Jim’s hands in his own, massaging his captain’s palms with his thumbs.

“Do I actually have radiation poisoning?” Jim looked up at Bones, who was pointedly staring at him.

“Your body does. You’re lucky it’s not worse than it is.” Bones waved another meter over Jim, then turned to his monitors and began muttering.

    Spock squeezed his hands tight.

“I’m lucky you two believed me.”

“I too am surprised that the doctor was so easily convinced.” Spock commented, raising an eyebrow in Bones’ direction.

“Idiot didn’t remember the name of his fuckin’ medicine.” Bones grumbled.

“That…seems accurate.” Spock mused, turning his now amused-eyebrow-stare to Jim.

“The best way I can think of to fix this is to get you back to that chamber. If the beaming coordinates are still in the transporter database that should be easy.” Bones suggested.

“I can convince Mr. Scott to help us.” Spock released Jim’s hands and made his way to the door.

“I will return with him.” Spock met Jim’s eyes before he opened it.

“I prefer blue.” He commented, then made his exit.

    Jim was suddenly very aware of Spock’s effect on him. _Very. Aware._

Something metallic clinked against the floor, and Jim turned to see Bones _gaping_ at him.

“You’re fucking.” The doctor deadpanned

“What?” Jim wasn’t sure what Bones meant by that.

“You. Are. _Fucking._ The _. Vulcan._ ” Bones practically wheezed.

“…Fucking makes it sound so crude. Don’t be crude, Bones.” Jim couldn’t help but grin ear to ear.

“I’m offended you didn’t tell me. We are no longer friends. I am wounded.” Bones placed a hand over his heart and gave a dramatic sniffle.

Jim laughed. “I wanted to see how long it took for you to figure it out. It’s only been…ten-ish days since we got together, so it didn’t take you too long.”

    Bones picked up the hypo that he’d dropped and set it on the medical table next to the bed. Then he sat down on the opposite side of the bed and leaned back. Jim would’ve copied him, but his bones still hurt.

“I’m only gonna say this once: I’m happy for you two. You deserve this, kid.”

They shared a smile, then Bones heaved a sigh. “Don’t forget about me?”

Jim felt his chest constrict. “Jeeze, Bones. Never.”

Bones nodded, then a cheeky grin crossed his lips. “Spock was right, blue suits you better.”

    Jim would forever deny that he blushed a little. “Thanks. It’s weird, you know. Not only am I in _Travis_ ’ body, but also being in a _male_ body. It’s weird having a penis.”

“Huh. What do you mean ‘weird’?” Bones asked. Jim appreciated that he wasn’t passing judgment. That had always been one of his favourite parts about confiding in his best friend: he never had to worry.

“I’ve never had weight down there before. And now that it’s there it’s almost…uncomfortable. But the kind of uncomfortable I could get used to.”

Bones shrugged. “If you want me to figure out a skin graph for you when all of this is sorted out, I…”

The doctor trailed off when Jim shook his head. “No. I’m comfortable with _my_ body as it is. But this has been…enlightening.”

    Jim turned his head away and stared down at his hands, which were larger than they should be. He was right, he did prefer his own body. And he preferred it the way it was, because even though it wasn’t perfectly male or perfectly female, it was _his._

    “You told me about Travis, once.” Bones quietly changed the subject. Jim could still feel his eyes on him, but he didn’t turn to meet them.

“You were pretty drunk, so you didn’t remember it the next morning. You didn’t go into detail, but you said enough that it…infuriated me, knowing what he did to you and being unable to change it. A kid like you only comes around once in a life time, and I’m damn lucky to have you. Everyone is.”

    Jim looked up to find Bones’ face more pinched than usual. He still smiled when Jim met his eyes.

“I go missing for four days and you’re getting all sentimental.” Jim teased, but he gestured for Bones to come closer. Instead, Bones got up and came around the table, then wrapped his arms around Jim and rested his head on top of his. Jim dropped his forehead against Bones’ sternum and gently put his arms around the doctor’s waist.

“I’m not letting you go on another one of those damn away missions without me.”

Jim huffed a laugh. He closed his eyes and breathed deep, letting the sensation of having Bones with him take over for a few minutes. He could tell Bones was doing the same, since his hold tightened every now and then.

    A knock at the door interrupted them. They heard Spock and Scotty announce themselves, so Bones let go and let them in.

“Captain! Is that really you?” Scotty asked as soon as the door was closed behind them.

“It’s really me. Scotty, do you still have the coordinates of—?”

“Aye, sir. Mr. Spock explained your…er…situation. I can beam you and the doctor right back, but I assume the body-switcher will need both of you. You and uh…Travis, was his name?” Scotty interrupted him.

“Would you be able to work the machine, Scotty?” Bones asked. The engineer nodded enthusiastically.

“Alright, then. Let’s get this show on the road.”

    Getting Jim to the transport room unnoticed was easier than expected. Bones sat him in a wheelchair and wrapped a blanket over his head so that his face was obscured. Scotty and Spock left to gather tricorders and phasers, and a few minutes later Bones and Kirk made their way to the transport room.

     Once he and Bones were on the transport pad, (Spock and Scotty were going to remain to convince Travis to pursue them) Spock ordered the ensign to beam them down. She protested, saying that she needed Captain’s orders, but Spock convinced her that the Captain’s life was in danger.

    They materialized in a cave that Jim instantly recognized. The table he’d been strapped to was in the center of the room, and to the left of it was a second table. At the heads of booth stood an enormous machine that was hooked to the tables by thousands of wires. There was nothing else in the cavern.

“Well, looks like we’ll just put you up there.” Bones wheeled Jim over to the tables, and together they laid his body on the same table from before. Bones didn’t know, and Jim wasn’t going to bother him about switching. However, Jim could feel his heartrate accelerate just from being in the same place. What if this didn’t work out?

    They hadn’t had much time once they’d transported. Jim could imagine Spock and Scotty running around the ship raising the alert that a prisoner escaped. Travis was guaranteed to come down himself. Whether or not he brought anyone else…

    The sound of a beam materializing came from across the room. Jim turned his head so that he could see who had arrived. It was Travis, armed and alone.

    Bones stood, phaser at the ready, between Kirk and his assailant.

They watched Jim’s body stomp toward them, but Bones snapped at him to stop before he was less than ten feet away.

“Doctor McCoy, what the hell—?”

“Shut the hell up. I know who you are. Now get your ass on that table and fix this.”

“I warned you the prisoner was insane, why didn’t you—?”

“ _Get your ass on the table_. Or I’ll shoot.” Bones snarled, ignoring Travis completely.

“Fine. How about this: _you_ step away from that table, or _I’ll_ shoot.” Travis took a step forward.

Bones stood his ground, and for a moment, nothing happened. Travis glanced at Jim and caught his eye. He shot Jim a wink, and then launched himself forward. Bones fired, but Travis _ducked_ and tackled Bones. Jim couldn’t sit up fast enough to prevent Travis from knocking Bones unconscious with his phaser.

    To his horror, he kicked Bones’ slumped body before grinning down at Kirk, who was leaning on a half-bent elbow.

“Finally.” He whispered, then stepped forward. He pulled Jim up by his shoulders then shoved him off the table. Jim was able to stand, and he stumbled away with every bone in Travis’ body, along with his head, screaming at him to _sit the fuck down_. Whatever sickness this man had, Jim never wanted to experience again in his life.

“Stay away from me.” Jim hissed as Travis stalked over to him, leering.

“Aww, or what? Are you gonna go home crying to mommy? No, Amy, I’m going to kill you with my own hands like I should have. You whore, you cheating whore. You deserve to die!” Travis screamed, then lunged at Jim. All he could do was hold his arms in front of him as Travis used _his body_ to hurt him.

    The fucking irony.

    Jim had lost track of where he was since all of his focus had gone into defending himself, and so he wasn’t sure when he’d gotten pinned against the cave wall, but suddenly Travis had a hand around his throat and was strangling him. He shoved his phaser against Jim’s artery and grinned.

“Have fun in Hell, bitch.”

“So long as you’re not there.” Jim grunted out.

    It was then that Spock and Scotty materialized behind Travis, and not a moment too soon. Although, Jim would’ve preferred if they’d been _much_ faster with their timing.

    Immediately Spock ripped Travis from Jim, pinning his hands behind his back and forcing him to drop the phaser.

    Jim slumped against the wall and slid to the floor, exchanging a grateful look with Spock. This shit-show was almost over.

“You have made a careless mistake: you assumed that Jim did not have friends.” Spock snapped as he and Scotty shoved Travis toward the other table. Travis fought them the entire time and eventually Spock gave in and pinched his neck. Jim flinched in sympathy for his body rather than Travis. That spot on his neck was going to smart for at least a day.

    “Jim!?” Bones’ startled voice came from where he was still lying on the floor.

“Hey, Bones. Everything’s alright, Spock’s here.” Jim’ voice was quiet and cracking, and it must have alarmed Bones because his head popped up and he glared in Jim’s direction. Jim gave him a little wave and a reassuring smile.

“You don’t sound alright.” Bones grumbled, sitting up and holding his head in his hands.

“That is because he is lying to you.” Spock, that traitor, informed the doctor. He finished strapping Travis to the table, then came over and knelt in front of Jim while Scotty began examining the machine.

    “Hey.” Jim couldn’t help the sheepish grin that made its way to his face.

“Jim. You have many more external wounds than I believe you to be aware of.” Though formal, Spock’s tone was as soft as Jim’s. To anyone else, Spock seemed as collected as ever. To Jim, he was ebbing relief in every movement of his body and every set of his face.

Spock helped Jim over to the table and laid him down on it.

“I’ve got ‘er figured out.” Scotty commented after a few more minutes of tinkering metal went by.

“Take ‘er away” Bones huffed from where Jim couldn’t see him. Jim laughed at Bones’ teasing accent.

“Captain, I recommend you close your eyes.” Scotty warned.

    He did, and soon he felt electricity pulse through his body.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long! It's probably gonna be a while before the next update as school is back in session. Have no fear, I haven't forgotten about this story! (I'm just stuck in quicksand with it... x.x)

    When he became aware of himself, he immediately realized he was in his own body. His second realization was that he was on a soft bed like the ones in medbay.

    “Nice of you to join us.” Bones’ voice came from somewhere around his head, and Jim blinked open his eyes to find the doctor standing over him.

“Hey.”

“Hey yourself. You’ve been sleeping for a whole twenty-four hours. Tell me, do you feel more rested than an infant?”

“So long as I spent all of it sleeping rather than half of it crying.”

Bones smirked. “I’ll take that as a yes. Spock went ahead and filed a report to Starfleet. A battleship is scheduled to arrive tomorrow, along with another starship. The Romulans are still parked on the other side of the planet, and Starfleet wants to know why they’re on the wrong side of the neutral zone.”

Jim groaned. Only in reality would a man go from being body-swapped with an abuser to returning to work within the span of a day.

“Why am I still in medbay?” He asked, sitting up and stretching. Aside from where Spock had pinched him, his body felt fine.

“Would you have preferred that I let Spock bridal-carry you through the halls?” Bones crossed his arms defiantly.

Jim laughed. “That would’ve been a sight.”

“He was going to do it, too. Figured you’d rather be spared the embarrassment.”

“Yeah. Thanks.” Jim sat up and fluffed his hair, satisfied that it was his own. He looked up to find Bones watching him with a weird look.

“What?”

“Nothing. Good to have you…lookin’ like yourself.” Bones shrugged.

Jim would—again—deny forever that he blushed.

    They were quiet for a moment, Bones fiddling absently with tools, before Jim sighed.

“So. When did I tell you about Travis?”

Bones froze. Then he grunted, “That night you kissed me.”

    Jim looked away. He couldn’t deny it now: he was definitely blushing. “Oh.”

“Don’t tell anyone, but once you were switched back, I may have punched him in the face.”

Jim grinned. “May have?”

“He may also have one hell of a shiner.”

    When they caught each other’s eyes, they both laughed. “Thanks, Bones.”

“Anytime, kid.”

    With nothing more to say, Kirk left Bones in medbay. He stopped by his room to change from patient scrubs to his Captain’s outfit, then made his way to the bridge since alpha shift was apparently still on. No one commented on his presence, all of them focusing on the Romulan vessel in case it did anything but stay in place. Kirk reminded himself that no one but Spock, Bones, and Scotty knew what had happened.

    Kirk noticed that Spock was in his chair, and so he snuck up behind him and draped his arms over Spock’s shoulders.

    Unfortunately, it was impossible for Jim to truly sneak up on Spock. Vulcan ears, and all.

    “Captain.” Spock’s voice was quiet, contained, as though he would’ve liked to say something else at an entirely different volume.

“Commander.” Kirk placed a swift kiss to the back of Spock’s head, then released him and walked around to the front of the chair. Spock stood and Jim sat, then Spock updated him on the situation with much the same information that Bones had given him with the addition that the _Enterprise_ was to arrive at New Vulcan as scheduled. Thankfully they hadn’t lost more than a few hours with this mess.

    The two Starfleet vessels arrived within an hour, and finally they were on their way.

    Jim was itching to see Spock Prime again.


	23. Chapter 23

    As soon as alpha shift ended, Jim was ready to go back to his quarters and fall asleep. However, as soon as he stood and made his way to the lift he heard Spock follow him. Jim didn’t bother to turn around; he’d realized during the shift that he’d violated Spock’s rule of _no PDA_. Spock wasn’t going to be happy.

    Instead of finding himself faced with a hostile Vulcan when the lift doors swished shut and they began descending, Kirk was pulled backwards into a hug. Spock wrapped his arms tightly around Jim’s waist and tucked his head against Jim’s neck.

    Jim held his breath and waited for Spock to say something. But he didn’t. Instead, Spock released him as the lift came to a stop, and they quietly walked to Jim’s quarters.

    The door swished shut and Jim turned to Spock, unable to take the silence. “I’m sorry if I...”

    He began to apologize, but Spock brought him into a hug and said, “Hush, Jim.”

Jim was terrible at listening.

“You didn’t strike me as the hugging type.” He commented as he tucked his arms around Spock’s waist.

Spock sighed (which most anyone else wouldn’t have noticed) and hid his face in the crook of Jim’s neck.

“My mother would hug me as a child. She taught me that it was comforting.”

Jim smiled. “Aww. So you’re comforting me?” He teased.

“No.” Spock whispered.

Oh. Shit.

“Are you okay?” Jim asked, all teasing forgotten. 

“I am now. Your life is in danger far too often.”

Jim chuckled despite himself. “Yeah. You’re right about that.”

“I would ask you to promise me otherwise, but I know you attract adversity.” Spock huffed.

“Sorry.”

“It is illogical to apologize for that which you cannot control. Now hush.”

     They held onto each other for a while, then decided to play a round of chess before dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The quicksand is gone! I've discovered at least 1 more adventure...also, this story is going to catch up to and blaze through Beyond. If you want to read Beyond, well, there's a lot of fic out there...and you should defs watch the movie and pretend Jim's trans through the whole thing like I've definitely done once or twice b/c why not (and in honor of this fic :D ). Then you'll get the full "Trees" experience...I'm rambling at this point.  
> As always, if there are grammar mistakes and or weirdness, let me know!


	24. Chapter 24

    Ambassador Selek was not there to greet them. Kirk, Spock, and the crew members who were supervising the transfer of materials onto the _Enterprise_ were the only ones to beam down from the ship. They had been greeted by an on-site Starfleet officer, who was of a species Jim had never seen before. She led Spock and Jim to a small café, where Sarek was waiting for them.

    Once the pair were settled, Sarek informed them of the going’s on of New Vulcan. There were a few new schools, houses, and a new Academy building since either Jim or Spock had been to the colony.

    It wasn’t until the end of their meeting that Sarek informed them of Spock Prime’s deteriorating health. He lead them to the established health center for the colony, and to a ward for the terminally ill.

    The mere thought of losing Spock Prime made Jim queasy.

Sarek left them at the door, and after verifying with a nurse, Jim and Spock entered. They found the Ambassador sitting up in bed, reading. He looked up when they entered and greeted them both with a smile.

“Jim. Spock. It is wonderful to see you.”

Jim took the chair on the side by the window while Spock remained standing.

“What happened?” Jim asked, realizing after his haste just how impolite his question was.

Ambassador Spock didn’t seem to mind. “Old age, my dear Jim. It happens to the best of us.”

The old Vulcan reached over and took one of Jim’s hands in his own. “Tell me how you are, distract an old friend. And Spock, do take a seat.”

   Spock pulled up a chair next to Jim, who began relating their most recent adventures to Spock. He was most entertained by the Andorans, expressing his curiosity as to why they had never revealed themselves in his home universe.

Once Jim had filled him in, Spock checked in with the rest of the away team while Spock told Jim about the book he was reading.

The nurse brought all three of them traditional—unfortunately synthesized—Vulcan tea. Spock Prime entertained with more stories from his time on his _Enterprise_ until the two had to go back to the ship.

    Spock exited first, and Jim placed a quick kiss on the old Vulcan’s forehead before he followed.


	25. Chapter 25

    Yorktown was, in one word: fascinating. An enclosed globe in the middle of Space, home to millions from species all over the Galaxy. It was designed as a true neutral zone that belonged to the Federation and the Federation alone, so that no species or planet had any true claim to it, and it was why Yorktown was considered the second home base of the Federation (the first was Earth).

Kirk loved it.

    The nightlife was _insane_. Shops, restaurants, bars, clubs, parties, card games, board games, pool, gambling, sex, drugs, concerts, comedy, theatre, cinema, dance, sports…Anything you could imagine, every night of the week. Somehow weekends were crazier.

If he’d been even five years younger, Jim knew he would’ve had the energy to keep up with it all.

Tonight, a week after they’d docked and he’d released the crew for shore leave, he found himself in Spock’s hotel suite playing chess.

   Jeeze he was getting old.

“Jim, you are merely thirty years old. This, by no means, indicates that you are an ‘old man’. Doctor McCoy, however…”

Jim laughed and winked at Spock. “Born and raised.”

    They were listening to some twenty-first century music, _Coldplay._ Jim loved the band and was humming along. Spock didn’t seem to mind the music, though he hadn’t said anything about it.

    _Adventure of a Lifetime_ came over the speakers. Kirk set down the piece he was about to move and held out his hand to Spock instead.

“Let’s dance.”

“We have not finished our game.”

“We can come back to it. Please?”

Spock sighed, then took Jim’s hand and stood, leading him over to the middle of the room. They joined hands and swayed together, but Jim got bored of that quickly and began twirling Spock around. The Vulcan went along where Jim pulled him, and Jim couldn’t take his eyes off the way Spock’s body seemed to flow with the music. At a point he even closed his eyes, and Jim wished Spock could be this relaxed always. 

    The music came to an end, so Jim spun Spock into his arms. Their foreheads dropped against one another’s as they caught their breath.

“ _You make me feel alive again_.” Spock murmured the lyrics, then kissed Kirk, who melted into him like caramel.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright alright alright...To Infinity and Beyond. As I mentioned, I didn't want to write out the whole Beyond movie. I added a few flares, but if you gotta have a complete story, tell Simon Pegg that he's a great writer and watch Beyond.
> 
> As always, if there's any grammatical errors/weirdness, let me know!
> 
> Also, I feel that I should add that because this is the longest thing I've written in my life, and I didn't bother to write myself summaries of each chapter, there's likely to be continuity errors. You may have noticed some already that I have not. So, if there are any continuity errors, let me know and I will try my best to right them.
> 
> Thanks everybody!

    Spock’s hands were trembling as he accepted the small box of Spock Prime’s possessions. The news of Spock Prime’s passing was not unexpected but none the less painful.

    He would have to build up the courage to tell Jim.

    Jim would be devastated.

    When he reconvened with Jim in the elevator, he immediately sensed that the Captain wanted to speak with him about something. But, Spock didn’t yet have the words to explain.

~

    Honestly, if Chekov hadn’t come bouncing from the trees behind him, Jim would’ve committed his first act of murder. Maybe. Probably.

Kalara had cost him his ship and who-knows-how-many members of his crew.

(Luckily) She was crushed by the _Enterprise_ some hours later.

Kirk’s old girl had had one last trick up her sleeve.

~

    Kirk and Chekov found Scotty and a stranger named Jaylah the next morning. Kirk took a liking to Jaylah immediately: she had courage buried in her somewhere, and she had a fear that he easily identified with.

    It wasn’t long before they were able to retrieve Bones and Spock. Spock wasn’t in good shape, but thankfully Bones was able to find some old medical stuff that still worked.

    Jim refused to leave Spock’s side, and so the small crew huddled around the couch and made plans for infiltrating Krall’s base. Jaylah took some convincing, but Kirk understood why. He remembered the fear-based adrenaline that he’d forced into action when Nero attacked Vulcan, and he remembered the wrenching pain of losing Pike.

    Losing your father is not easy to forget.

    It tortured Kirk to leave the rest of his crew in Krall’s prison overnight, but Scotty needed the time to fix and test the transporter. Besides, rescue missions from an unfamiliar place never went well in the dark.

    Bones and Jim sat on the floor next to the couch, monitoring Spock’s condition. Jim’s head was resting next to Spock’s so that his hair was tickling the Vulcan’s face. At some point, Spock began playing with Kirk’s hair.

Jim didn’t remember falling asleep.

~

    _Goddamn_ Jim was in love with Spock. The science officer was hauling him into the pod he and Bones had stolen. If they’d shown up any second later, Jim would’ve been sucked into space.

“What would I do without you, Spock?”

    Jim barely registered that he’d spoken aloud; the only reason he knew was that Spock was staring at him with a mix of relief and horror.

“Nice to see you, too, Jim.” Bones commented, and Jim broke into a fit of giggles. Good old Bones.

~

    The birthday party was unexpected. Jim enjoyed himself, and justified the party as a means for the crew to relax. Scotty was trying his damnedest to get Jaylah drunk, Keenser and Kevin were discussing some other-world politics, Chekov had snuck the adoration of a beautiful young lady from yet another plant Jim couldn’t recall (he really needed to review), and Sulu had brought along his family. Demora was a wonderful child, and Ben was one hell of a comedian.

    As the night went on, Jim found Spock over by the window. He surprised his Vulcan with a kiss on the cheek, and when Spock turned to him, Jim loved that he could see a smile in Spock’s eyes.

“Jim.”

“Spock. Was there something you were going to tell me, on the lift before the mission?”

Spock hesitated. “No…no. There was not.”

Jim sensed that whatever Spock had wanted to say then had become irrelevant now. Just how his desire to leave the _Enterprise_ had changed.

“Good. Me neither.”

Spock gave a short nod, then looked back to the stars. Jim snagged his hand, then followed his gaze.

    The galaxy was beautiful. Maybe even as beautiful as the man standing beside him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so so so so much for reading this. Unfortunately, this is where this story will end. It's been too long since I've written for it, and I genuinely don't remember much past the middle. This fic helped me grow both as an author and as a person, and I'm so happy that you read it and experienced this with me.   
> I'll probably write more trans!Kirk in the future, so if you enjoyed that characterization of him, keep an eye out.  
> Also, I'm going to use the Arborans in my original fantasy novel, so if you enjoyed them, keep an eye out for that!   
> Feel free to follow me on tumblr as sherlockwolf or twitter @sherlockwolf282.
> 
> Live long and love your life <3


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